


To Paint The World With Color

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, M/M, Misunderstandings, Rejection, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:11:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: Shoma was thirteen when his world faded to black and white and he began the wait to meet his soulmate and have the vibrant colors brought back into his life. The wait was not long.However, when it finally happened, he almost wished he was older so that maybe he could understand why his soulmate doesn't want him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by another soulmate AU I LOVE called Gravity Breaking. I absolutely suggest you go read that one as it is probably way better than mine is gonna be. It has a similar premise, but I didn't steal their idea entirely. I modified it and it really works well with Shason.
> 
> The first chapter is a prologue so it is short.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Shoma was thirteen when his colors faded. His mom said he was a ‘late bloomer’, which was also why he was thirteen and still looked like a five-year-old, he assumed. Nobody really got excited about going from vibrant colors to a black and white world, but it happened to about forty percent of the population of the world. The crazy part of ‘soulmates’ – because that’s what the romantics called it – was that the amount of people who had them varied around the world. Japan’s amount was slightly higher, so Shoma only knew a few people who didn’t lose their color at puberty and continue to live with color-blindness until they met their soulmate. Most people found them early in life. Some people went decades color-blind. Others got their colors back abruptly because, tragically, their soulmate had died before they ever met so they technically no longer had one.

The medical community hated calling them soulmates, but there wasn’t a better term. When soulmates met, they clicked and were very compatible. The even weirder part was that it didn’t have to be romantic love. His mother’s soulmate was her older sister, so she had never lost the ability to see colors. His father didn’t have a soulmate, but his grandparents had been soulmates. Shoma wasn’t the most outgoing kid so he had always hoped he had a soulmate. When he lost his colors, he got excited even though it was inconvenient when it came to costumes. He wanted his soulmate to be his best friend. He didn’t care if he met a soulmate he fell in love with, she would still be his best friend. He had friends. He had friends at school and at the rink. He was making friends with some of the other skaters when they met at competitions. It wasn’t that he was a loner. 

But he didn’t have a _best_ friend besides his brother. Shoma loved his baby brother more than anybody in the whole world, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to about feeling scared about competitions or nervous he was going to fail that wasn’t a nine-year-old. He couldn’t wait for the day he met his soulmate.

In the end, he didn’t have to wait long, but he almost wished he had because maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much if he was older when his soulmate rejected him.

~

Shoma was jogging backstage, just keeping his legs warmed up, when someone came out of a door and crashed into him. He fell down and heard frantic English. He didn’t understand it, but when a hand grabbed his, he let the person pull him up. When he stood up, he brushed off his pants, only to look up and make eye contact with another skater he had seen in videos but never at the same competition. He couldn’t remember his name, but he noticed something else very fast.

He was seeing his face in color.

The boy gasped, big, chocolate brown eyes widening in shock. Shoma’s eyes had to be just as wide. “Oh my God,” he said, and the other guy seemed to jolt out of his shock. 

“Shoma?” Shoma turned around, mouth hanging wide open as Mihoko came over. “I saw you fall down. Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she asked, putting her hand on his shoulder.

“I-I-“ He looked back up at the tall boy who was just staring at him in shock. “I- I see color. He- I-“ He looked at Mihoko. “I looked at him and I can see color.”

She went still and looked back at the other boy. She said something in English, he couldn’t understand it, and the other boy nodded, looking dazed, and Mihoko tugged Shoma along as they went after him. When they got to another hallway, there was a woman with red hair – and wow things seemed more vibrant than before he lost his colors – and the tall boy rushed up to her, already speaking in rapid English. 

Shoma stood there, watching the coaches talk and looking over at the boy who just looked like he might be sick. Shoma understood the shock. He never expected to meet his soulmate at a competition and he really didn’t expect for his soulmate to be from another country. It really worried him when he thought about it. He couldn’t talk to his soulmate. He was a boy so he couldn’t fall in love with him like his grandparents. He lived in _America_ , so how would they ever see each other or talk? Shoma was so worried he didn’t notice the women were done talking until Mihoko addressed him.

“Shoma, here’s what we’re going to do,” she said, and he looked up at her patiently. “It’s right before the short. You both need to focus on that. We’re going to meet up after everything is done and you guys will talk then with our help. He’s in a good spot to podium so he’s really got to focus on this, and you need to focus on making sure your first season as a junior is as good as possible.”

He nodded. “Okay. I want to win medals. I’m okay waiting,” he said, and she smiled kindly and led him away to go back to warming up. 

~

Shoma was so excited after calming down. He didn’t think it would be easy to learn English, but his soulmate was so cool! His skating was amazing. Shoma watched his short program and wow. He was just so good. He was happy now that the shock was over. He could learn English and they could email all the time and it would be great. He was going to have somebody to talk to and they were going to be the best friends ever. 

His little optimistic heart would never feel so much hope ever again after they walked into a room and his soulmate wasn’t even there, just his coach. Mihoko spoke to her, and she seemed very uncomfortable. When Mihoko started raising her voice he got worried. He felt a rush of fear because what if something happened to his soulmate? He didn’t even know his name yet. 

The argument was very brief and the coach left the room. “Mihoko?” he asked, and she just tapped her foot. When the coach came back from the other door with his soulmate following her, he looked annoyed but okay. “What’s happening?” he asked her.

She sighed heavily. “Give me a second.” She addressed the other boy and Shoma subtly took his phone out, turning on the sound recorder so he could translate what was being said later if Mihoko wasn’t going to bother telling him anything. When the other boy said something with a finality in his tone, he looked at Shoma for just a moment, searching his face, before turning and leaving again. 

His coach bowed to Mihoko and followed him back out.

“Fuck,” Mihoko said and Shoma gasped. He had never heard her curse before. She looked down at Shoma, who had stashed his phone again, and she put her hands on his shoulders. “Oh, Shoma,” she said gently, and he frowned.

“What’s wrong? Where did they go?”

She looked heartbroken and his fear mounted. “Shoma, your soulmate’s name is Jason Brown. He just turned eighteen, he’s from America, and he-“ He paused and ducked her head. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart,” she said in a tight voice. “He doesn’t want to see you. He- he said he doesn’t have time for a soulmate right now and- and it’s better you just pretend you guys didn’t meet.”

Shoma’s heart _shattered_. “But- but why?” he asked, eyes stinging as they filled with tears. “What did I do wrong?”

“Oh, Baby, nothing,” Mihoko said fiercely, tugging him into her arms. He cried into her jacket, clinging to her. “You did nothing wrong. He’s a bad kid is all. I can’t believe _that_ is what fate decided to do to you. You deserve a good soulmate, not that brat. It’s okay, though, huh?” She pulled him back and wiped his cheeks. “I don’t have a soulmate and I’m perfectly alright, aren’t I?” she said, brushing his hair from his forehead. “Don’t you worry about that stupid boy. You’re going to be the best skater in the world, and he’ll regret being mean and not having you as his friend.”

Shoma just closed his eyes and cried, unable to help it. He wanted to believe her. He wanted her words to be true so badly. 

But he wanted his soulmate more. 

~

Later that night, Shoma carefully translated what Jason said with his computer and he was devastated. 

“Listen, I don’t have time to deal with this! He’s a little kid and I’m an adult! I’m not being soulmates with a child that looks like a ten-year-old. I’m going senior soon and he’s clearly not for a while, so he’ll get over it since he’ll never see me. I’m not a little boy’s soulmate. It’s just not okay.”

Shoma cried himself to sleep because he dreamed of meeting his soulmate for so long and he ended up not wanting him. He had been so happy when he got over the shock and was so sure he had met his best friend forever and they were going to learn to communicate and he would always have someone thinking about him even if they didn’t live close to each other and he would call him every day. Shoma’s thoughts were so jumbled and in such a rush he just cried harder because it wasn’t going to happen that way. He was alone again after three hours of thinking maybe he had a best friend now. Shoma always thought he wasn’t good enough for a lot of things, but he couldn’t believe he wasn’t good enough for his _soulmate_.

~

The next day, Shoma was in the same group to skate as his soulmate and it made him fight tears the whole time. Jason won the gold medal and Shoma finished next to last. That would be the last time he saw Jason Brown until Skate America four years later. 

That was when everything changed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about making this fic short and having just 3 big chapters, but I decided I want to explore this topic for a while, so you will get semi-regular updates. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Shoma would like to say that he put Jason out of his mind after he broke his heart as a child, but it would be a lie. Shoma thought about him every single day.

When Shoma and Mihoko got back to Japan that fateful week when he could suddenly see colors again, he told her he didn’t want to tell anybody. She asked how he would fake not seeing colors, but he decided he was quiet enough it was possible. He didn’t tell his parents he met his soulmate. He didn’t tell his friends. The only person who ever found out was Itsuki, and that was because he and Itsuki talked more than he did with anybody else and he slipped up talking about the colors in the animation of his favorite anime at the time. He told him the whole story and Itsuki decided then and there that he hated Jason’s guts and hoped he never crossed paths with him because he would try to fight him and probably lose, but it was the thought that counted.

Shoma couldn’t hate Jason. 

It was hard to deal with the fact that Jason was the source of his worst pain and the cause of some serious bouts of self-loathing and yet Shoma just wanted him to do good. Deep down, he couldn’t help that he cared. Being soulmates meant that he couldn’t help but want Jason to be happy and to do well even if Jason didn’t feel the same about him. When Jason went to the Olympics, Shoma watched every second he was on TV and was even sad he didn’t beat Shoma’s own countrymen. When Jason won his country’s nationals, Shoma cheered alone in his bedroom. He wanted to hate him so badly sometimes because he saw people with their soulmates and hated that his wouldn’t let him have that same closeness. 

He still wanted a best friend. 

Growing up, Keiji was the closest thing he had to a best friend, and Itsuki was his closest confidant, but if both those things could be combined, it would be what Jason should have been for him. 

Resenting someone and yet being unable to hate them was a strange feeling. 

Because of that, when Mihoko showed him the Grand Prix assignments, he saw her face before he even took the tablet she had. He knew already. He looked and sure enough, Skate America had Jason Brown listed. Last season he had avoided him because Jason was injured – something he didn’t like, because he feared the worst, that he might never have any reason to see him again – but this season he would have to see him.

He was also happy that Jason was better now.

Part of him was eager to see Jason. Growing up some, he thought that maybe Jason might want to be his friend now that he wasn’t a child. Also, he realized that they only met once and maybe Jason was just scared of the bond. He knew it was stupid to have hope but he really, really wanted to get to know his soulmate. Even if nobody but Mihoko and Itsuki knew, he just wanted to have SOME relationship with the person that fate or some higher power or whatever was the cause of it decided to make his soulmate. Even if they were just friendly rivals, he just wanted _something_. Knowing he had a soulmate who didn’t want him in any capacity was the worst thing ever sometimes.

When they got to the arena for the first day of practice at Skate America, Shoma was a shaking mess. Every where he turned, he both hoped to see Jason and feared it at the same time. He wondered if Jason was nervous about seeing him, too. He also wondered if Jason had forgotten him entirely, and that really, really hurt.

Shoma was able to avoid Jason until he got onto the ice for practice just in time to see Jason start a really amazing spin on the ice, his curls pulled back in a messy ponytail that swung around as he spun. Shoma stood at the entrance to the ice, watching him, mesmerized. This was it. This was the moment he saw his soulmate once again after four years with zero interaction

When Jason stopped and skated out of the spin towards his coach, who stood not five meters to Shoma’s left, Shoma got a good look at his face and suddenly all of the air whooshed out of his lungs and he couldn’t breathe. His heart pounded and his fingertips tingled. He felt like he was shaking apart from his core and his entire world was turned upside down and he was drowning in a discovery that he had never prepared for and had no idea how to react to.

Because seeing Jason in person after so long made him realize that Jason Brown was possibly the most beautiful person Shoma had ever laid eyes on. 

Shoma didn’t know what to do with the sudden realization that he was attracted to men. He didn’t really get attracted to anybody outside of famous actresses and that was just ‘oh she’s beautiful’ reactions. He had no time for dating so it never occurred to him that he might just not like girls. Or maybe he liked girls and boys? 

_Or maybe you just like him_ , a voice in his head whispered.

Shoma blushed and took to the ice. He did not have time to have a personal realization of such epic proportions right before practice. He had to skate tomorrow. He was going to win and get to the Grand Prix Final. He was determined to beat everybody there, and he was the one with the highest technical content so it shouldn’t be hard to do, even with Jason as a distraction. Even if he was there with his soulmate, the soulmate he suddenly had not-so-platonic attraction to, he had to remember that winning was what mattered. Jason might not even speak to him the whole week so why bother thinking about him? Jason hadn’t wanted him, not the other way around, so he had no reason to go against Jason’s wishes to be left the hell alone. He had spent four years being nothing to Jason, he couldn’t let his hope that maybe he could at least be civil rivals interrupt his plans for victory this season. 

He still couldn’t help the way his hands trembled when he came over to talk to Mihoko and he noticed Jason at his coach not far away, both of them looking at him. Mihoko noticed and capped his water bottle for him. “Don’t let them distract you. I wouldn’t put it against them to use the bond against you and get him on the podium.”

Shoma felt a sudden flush of contempt. “Jason wouldn’t do that,” he defended instantly, and equally as instantly felt like an idiot when she looked at him sternly.

“And how would you know?”

He couldn’t. He knew that. He didn’t know Jason at all and his only interaction had been a bad one. But in his gut, he knew Jason wasn’t like that. He felt like it was an instinct that told him his soulmate didn’t have it in him to hurt him. Not any more than he already had, at least. Jason not wanting him when he was a little kid didn’t mean he would use the bond against him and he knew that with everything in him. Jason wasn’t cruel. He couldn’t be. Fate wouldn’t give Shoma a soulmate who hated him that much, of that he was certain.

~

After practice ended, Shoma planned to go back to the hotel and nap. He definitely didn’t plan on packing up his things until a shadow fell over him. He looked up and his throat closed up tight as he looked up and saw Jason standing there. Shoma just stared into the face of his soulmate who didn’t want him and all of that hurt from four years ago came right back because this was the face he saw in color for the first time and the last time in the span of a few hours. Shoma didn’t speak, because he didn’t know English still – he tried, but it was hard – and Jason just smiled uneasily, looking nervous. After a long moment, Jason surprised him when he opened his mouth and spoke Japanese.

“Hi, Shoma. Can we talk?”

“Yes,” Shoma whispered before his brain even processed what Jason asked him. Jason looked slightly less uneasy at that, but Shoma was a fucking wreck. His insides were alive and trying to escape through his mouth or maybe even just burst out of his chest like a monster. He closed his case and stood up. He looked around at Mihoko, who was watching them suspiciously. “Um. C-can you take my stuff for me? I probably won’t be long.”

“Okay,” she said, giving Jason a long look before taking the case and walking away. 

Shoma looked up at Jason and Jason smiled tentatively. “There are stairs not far. We can talk in private.” Shoma nodded and followed Jason with an uneasy feeling of hope that made him angry at himself. Hope is what hurt him so bad last time they saw each other. Hope was the enemy when it came to Jason Brown. 

When they got to an empty stairwell with a door to shut out the noise of the staging area and locker rooms, he watched as Jason sat down on a step and looked at him for a long moment before patting the step beside him. But Shoma couldn’t do that. He couldn’t get that close to him. He shook his head. “No,” he whispered, though it still seemed to echo in the quietness.

Jason looked surprised but smiled. “You’re really shy, huh?” he mused, and then blushed, ducking his head. “Sorry. That’s rude.” He looked back at him. “Hi, Shoma. How are you? It’s been a long time since we met.”

Shoma stared at him and almost wanted to be angry and ask how the hell he thought Shoma had been seeing as he’d lived four years knowing he had a soulmate that rejected him. But another part of him wanted to at least be casual friends with him, even if when he looked at him this morning he felt a whole lot more than friends for him. Instead, he just nodded his head slowly. “I’m okay. Better start to this season than last.” He waited a long pause before adding. “Are you better? I heard you were badly injured last season.”

Jason grimaced and nodded. “Yeah. I messed up a muscle in my back. That sort of thing is too painful to skate through.” He smiled some. “This is so awkward,” he confessed. “I’m sorry. I just want to get to know you and I thought it would be easier to talk to you considering...”

Shoma’s heart swelled and his throat tightened with an unexpected lump. He knew what Jason meant without him finishing speaking. “Yeah.” He bit his lip. “When did you learn Japanese?”

Jason beamed. “I’m still not great at it, but I’ve been learning a few years now. So many fans are Japanese and Japan loves skating so much and my parents actually met in Japan so I decided to learn it. And, you know. You,” he added, and Shoma almost burst into tears instantly. 

Jason learned Japanese for him. Shoma spent four years thinking Jason probably didn’t ever think about him and Jason learned Japanese just so he could talk to him some day. Shoma had so many questions about why Jason rejected him and why he waited so long to decide to get to know him, but he couldn’t ask them now. He just smiled, a real, genuine smile, and hoped his burning eyes didn’t tear up and make it obvious. 

“Most people would expect me to learn English. I’m about the only skater who can’t speak English,” Shoma blurted out instead, blushing furiously at his awkwardness.

Jason just laughed and nodded. “You really should try to learn it. It will suck if you ever lose your coach at the rink.”

Shoma’s phone buzzed and he knew what that meant. He sighed heavily because he didn’t want to leave Jason now that he had found him. “I have to go. Mihoko is looking for me.”

Jason pouted playfully. “Awww, we didn’t get to talk long.” He stood up and smiled. “It’s okay. We can talk more later, right?”

Shoma nodded. “Sure,” he said, and Jason smiled again.

“Okay. Um, I’ll go first, then,” he said, waving to Shoma as he left the stairwell. 

After he left, Shoma only looked long enough to make sure he was really gone before he sat down on the stairs and gave in to the urge to cry his eyes out. He wasn’t even sure what he felt. Shocked? Definitely. Angry? Yeah, that too. Hopeful? Scarily so. Happy? Yes, he was very happy. Terrified? He felt a little terrified but less than he expected. Overwhelmed?

That was the one. That’s what it was. Every emotion he was feeling overwhelmed him to have them at the same time. Talking to Jason was overwhelming. How he felt when he saw him and realized he was beautiful was more overwhelming than frightening. As he cried, overcome with too many feelings at one time and all because of his _soulmate_ , there was still that one thing that overwhelmed him most of all.

Jason learned Japanese for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one chapter is almost as long as the first two combined but it's got some really deep things being discussed.

When Shoma got back to his hotel room, Mihoko came inside with him instead of drop him off. “So how did the talk with Brown go?” she asked, walking over to sit in the chair at the table, looking at him. 

Shoma sat down on his bed and smiled nervously. “Good. He- he wants to talk and stuff now.”

Mihoko looked at him and sighed. “Shoma. I know I can’t understand how it feels since I don’t have a soulmate, but you shouldn’t get your hopes up. This man rejected you and hasn’t tried to contact you for four years. Needless to say, this is very suspicious behavior to suddenly want to talk to you.”

Shoma frowned. “But… he learned Japanese for me,” he said, his voice going soft and gentle because it was still so in awe of that fact.

“Oh Shoma.” Mihoko looked at him searchingly. “One conversation and he’s got you hooked already.” She shook her head and he felt a little stupid, thinking about it. Maybe she was right. She came closer and put her hand on his knee. “Shoma. Maybe it’s not a tactic, but look at it logically and that seems most likely. He’s never competed against you and suddenly the first senior competition and he wants to make friends?”

“But…” Shoma pouted, doubting himself. “But he always seems so nice. Like, in all of his interviews and when he’s with other skaters on their social media, and he seems to be well liked-“

“How would you know that?” Mihoko looked at him carefully. “Shoma… have you been watching his videos and skates all this time?” He ducked his head and she groaned. “Shoma, why would you get so invested in the man who just rejected you so cruelly four years ago?”

“Because he’s my soulmate,” Shoma answered honestly. He looked up at her and he saw pity in her eyes. “I can’t- I can’t help it,” he whispered, eyes burning. “We’re supposed to be two halves and even if he didn’t want me, I want him.” He looked at his hands sniffling. “He’s my favorite skater in the whole world. And I love watching him post on Instagram. And I watch all of his interviews because I like his voice.” He whimpered. “I can’t help it. I love him,” he confessed, finally putting words to what he had known since he was fourteen and got over his betrayal and heartbreak to watch videos and get to know his soulmate. “He’s my _soulmate_.”

Mihoko pulled him into her arms and he clung to her like he had when he was fourteen and rejected. “Shoma, you need to stop thinking this way. He didn’t want you. It’s cruel and I hate him for it, but why would he suddenly want you now? Also, don’t tell anybody else what you just said to me. You’re both men. You know they’ll take it the wrong way and we can’t let any false rumors about your sexuality get out.” He felt a pang of fear because she didn’t realize he meant it that way. He didn’t know he did until he saw Jason this morning, but he was so beautiful Shoma wanted to stare at him for the rest of his life, and he knew it was not a platonic feeling. “Be careful. If you talk to him, and I know you will because you are too stubborn sometimes-“ He laughed wetly, “Don’t tell him anything he can use against you. From my point of view, it looks like at the least terrible, he wants to be seen being friends with someone who is a much better skater than him for the publicity.”

Shoma pulled away, frowning. “I’m not better than him, though? Just because he doesn’t do quads and doesn’t win doesn’t mean I’m better. Have you _seen_ his spins? Or his transitions?” Shoma sighed. “If only I had his flexibility. I could beat Hanyu-kun if I could do some of his spins and get his levels on his step sequences. Or even just the grade of execution he gets on his triple-triple combinations!”

Mihoko rolled her eyes. “Yep. You’re truly unreachable.” She ruffled his hair. “Just limit the damage, I’m begging you, Shoma.” She put her hand on his cheek. “You’ve been my best and most deserving student I’ve ever had. Machiko might argue Mao-chan was a harder worker, but to me you are my greatest student I may ever have and you’re just getting started. You will be on the Olympic podium. You will win a world championship. You’re going to be Japanese National Champion. Don’t let this man steal that from you because he wants attention or, at worst, to steal those things from you through sabotage.”

Shoma nodded, sobering up some. He knew she was just being logical. She was thinking without the pull in his heart that made him want to be with his soulmate and trust him. She was older and wiser. He acknowledged that he was an eighteen-year-old boy who knew so little of life yet and was swayed by the connection in his heart to Jason Brown. “Okay.” He nodded again. “I’ll try hard to stay vigilant,” he agreed.

“Good boy,” she said, smiling warmly as she leaned in for another hug and then stood up. “Don’t stay up too late gaming with Keiji,” she warned him on her way out as a parting. 

Shoma fell back onto his bed and tried to sort through all of these emotions. On one hand, Mihoko was absolutely right. He had no idea why the hell Jason suddenly wanted to be his friend. He had four years he could have changed his mind after their initial meeting. He never reached out once. Why suddenly talk to Shoma when they were each other’s competition? However, on the other hand, in Jason’s defense, maybe he needed the time to learn to properly communicate and didn’t want to mess up worse by relying on google translate for years. Maybe Jason knew what he did to Shoma had hurt him so bad that he thought Shoma might never want to see him again and he, like Shoma, watched from afar, wishing they could be closer. Or maybe much like when Shoma saw Jason for the first time in four years, he felt that rush of feelings that made him realize he had made a mistake long ago.

Shoma blushed at that last thought because it was silly to dream that Jason felt that same realization of ‘I like boys and he’s the most beautiful boy ever’ that Shoma had. But at the same time, Shoma wanted it so badly. He wanted to hold his hand and tell him how gorgeous he was. He wanted to be able to share his heart with him. Shoma rolled over and covered his face in the covers because Shoma had never kissed anybody in his whole life and when he looked at Jason up close, he really wanted to kiss him. Shoma screamed into the covers, voice muffled as he kicked his feet and let out his overwhelming feelings that confused him greatly. Before today, he had never looked at anybody and wanted to kiss them, and suddenly his _male_ soulmate woke up some crazy feeling he had never felt before, and it was frustrating and confusing and he really wished once and for all that his soulmate had just been a Japanese girl his age who went to school with him or something. 

Except he didn’t. As he rolled onto his back, panting slightly from all of his freaking out, he had to confess, he didn’t want anybody else. Even when he was so hurt and heartbroken at fourteen years old, deep down he knew he didn’t want another soulmate. He just wanted Jason to want him back. When they said soulmates were impossible to explain scientifically, he always wondered why or how, but now he got it. He had always had this feeling inside of him that something was missing. It distracted him sometimes because he couldn’t figure it out. It was like he forgot to do something and couldn’t remember what. 

When he talked to Jason, he felt whole for the first time in his entire life and that feeling went away. Even now, he felt whole in spite of all of his doubts and fears. He wanted to know what Jason felt, but he also didn’t know what he was allowed to ask. He wanted to know so many things about the past four years, but he was so scared he might mess up and drive Jason away. More than anything, Shoma wanted to keep contact with Jason after just one short talk, and if it meant just taking what Jason would give him and not getting explanations for what Jason took from him all those years ago, he could handle it. 

He just didn’t want to lose Jason after he found him again.

~

Shoma wanted advice so he decided to do what he always did: go be an annoying ‘little brother’ to Kanako. “Kana-chaaaaan!” he shouted, banging on her hotel room door to pester her. When she opened it with a longsuffering glare, he threw himself at her, hugging her and going limp so she had to hold him up and nearly fell down. “Help me,” he said grumpily. 

“God, you’re a child,” she said, but dragged him bodily to throw him on the bed. He giggled as he bounced and sat up. She glared, hands on her hips. “What?”

He got more serious and bit his lip. Kanako was always quiet about the subject of soulmates, so he hoped he wasn’t about to put his foot in his mouth, but he trusted her. He hated coming to her for advice in case she didn’t talk about soulmates because hers died before they met – one of his biggest fears before he met Jason – but he had to talk to someone. “I want to tell you a secret and get advice. It’s a big one. A really, really big one. And- and one I hope you won’t stop loving me for.”

Kanako’s eyes widened. “Shoma, come on.” She hugged him and he laid his head on her tummy. “You’re like a baby brother to me. I would never, ever do that.”

She let him go and sat on the bed beside him, crossing her legs under her to face him. He mirrored her and took a deep breath. “I have a soulmate,” he said, and she nodded.

“I know, I remember when you lost your colors.”

He shook his head. “I- I’ve seen color since I was fourteen,” he confessed, and her eyes widened.

“What?! Why didn’t you tell anybody? What on earth-“

“It wasn’t good,” he interrupted. “Mihoko-sensei knows. She was there when it happened. But my soulmate rejected me. He said-“ His breath hitched as he remembered the words he had translated so carefully all those years ago. “He said he wasn’t some little kid’s soulmate and didn’t have time for this and he just left and I didn’t see him again until-“ He blushed. “Until this morning.”

Kanako’s jaw dropped. “He’s another skater?” she asked, and he nodded. She poked him in the tummy. “Okay, who? Tell me!”

He smiled faintly. “Jason Brown. The American skater. We met at a competition my first year in juniors and his last year. He ran into me when I was jogging past a doorway and I looked up and suddenly I was like ‘whoa, his eyes are brown like chocolate’ and realized what had just happened.”

Kanako looked even more shocked. “ _Jason_ rejected you?! I know Jason! Jason’s a sweetheart, why on earth would he be cruel like that?” she spluttered. “I’m so confused, honestly, what the hell?!”

Shoma nodded. “Yeah, and I thought he hated me all this time, but then this morning he came up to me after practice and asked to talk and he- he said he learned Japanese for me?” He shook his head. “I’m very confused. He just wanted to talk and we talked about how he wants to get to know me and stuff. All I ever wanted was for him to be my friend, and now he suddenly changed his mind after four years and I’m so confused.” 

“I can imagine,” she said, grabbing his hand to hold it in her lap. “How do you feel now?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I was so happy,” he admitted. “It’s what I’ve wanted for so long. I was ecstatic when he talked about hanging out some during this competition and I thought for a little while that it means everything is fixed.” He ducked his head. “But Mihoko says I’m biased. She says she thinks he’s using the bond to trick me. She says at best, he wants the publicity of being friends with someone who wins medals he can’t, and at worst, he’s trying to compromise me so he can win things instead of me.”

“It’s definitely not the last one,” Kanako said firmly. “I know Jason. We’re not best friends, but I have been around him enough to know there isn’t a mean bone in his body. He is _not_ sabotaging you.”

Shoma felt a wave of fear and bravery at once as he lifted his head and looked at her. “I have- I have another idea that- that scares me so much it’s not funny.” She nodded to show her attention and he fought tears as he spoke. “When I looked at him this morning I realized he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I think I’m gay and want to kiss him because I’ve never wanted to kiss anybody in my whole life and when I was little I guess I didn’t think that way yet so I didn’t feel it when we first met but he’s so beautiful it scares me.” He let out a rough sob as he ran out of breath and put his hand over his eyes, trying so hard not to cry. “I’m too scared to hope he felt the same way,” he whimpered.

Kanako pulled him into a hug and he clung to her. She rubbed his back and said four words that shocked him to his core. “I know the feeling.”

He pulled back, looking at her with wide, wet eyes, and she smiled, looking scared herself. She held both of his hands, and he felt her trembling. “I have a girlfriend, Shoma.” He gasped and she laughed fearfully. “It’s a secret, it has to be. She’s my soulmate,” she said, biting her lip. “I met her last year. I just walked into this coffee shop that isn’t my usual place at home and when I looked up to order, I met her eyes and saw colors and the moment she gasped and her eyes got wide I knew she was everything I ever needed.” She blushed, smiling more widely. “She had pink hair and the first thing I ever said to her was, ‘my new favorite color is pink’.” She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s what happened with you and Jason, and I don’t want to give you false hope if it isn’t, but don’t be scared of it.” She squeezed his hands. “Don’t ever be afraid of your own heart. I was scared too, but Suki makes the whole world seem like a better place, and I would never, ever want you to miss out on that if it’s an option.”

Shoma sniffled. “So you really think it’s okay if I just- just let myself love him?” he asked. “What if he only ever wants to be my friend?”

Kanako smiled sadly. “Then love him with your whole heart and accept what he wants to give you. If he’s straight, he can’t help that. But he can still love you the best way he can if he really wants to know you now. I don’t think Mihoko is right. I don’t know why Jason would reject you and then suddenly talk to you now, but if I had to guess I would say fear. Meeting your soulmate when you’re children and live half a world apart and can’t communicate had to be scary so maybe he’s used this time you guys didn’t see each other to do some soul searching and figure out that he shouldn’t let fear keep you guys apart. He’s not mean. He’s the sweetest man I know. He is not tricking you,” she said confidently.

Honestly, that made Shoma feel so much better. He knew Mihoko was being more logical and rational about this, and he knew Kanako was biased because she had a soulmate, too, but she also knew Jason better than he or Mihoko did and if she was so sure he wasn’t bad, then he believed her. He smiled and looked at her for a long time. “Thank you. For listening and for giving me advice. I trust you and I hope you’re right to have faith in Jason not being a bad person. I just want to know him and not get hurt because I was naïve and trusting.”

She cooed. “At least you’re admitting to yourself you’re a naïve little boy.” He rolled his eyes and she smirked evilly before tackling him, grabbing his cheeks to squish them. “A TINY BABY BOY WITH BABY BOY CHEEKS AHHH SO SQUISHY!”

“KANA-CHAN STOOOOOP!” he whined, tussling to try and get away all while laughing because, really, as much as he protested, it was fun having someone treat him like she was his big sister and would play with him when most of the other skaters didn’t want to act like the kids they all really were. 

When he finally left, after a very long hug at the doorway, he felt lighter. He still had his fears and worries, but he felt more confident that he wasn’t stupid and Jason at least was a good guy. He also felt lighter because he knew, no matter what, at least one person out there supported him and had his back about realizing he was gay when he had never assumed he was anything but straight, because that was ‘normal’. Now he realized there was no normal. Normal was whatever he always had been, and since he had a male soulmate he wanted to kiss when he never wanted to kiss anyone else, that meant his normal was gay. 

Shoma smiled and sighed happily as he got into the elevator. Since he was alone he closed his eyes and said the words out loud. “Being gay is normal.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this one!
> 
> (I'm not going to get into it here, but to those who have supported me recently, I am truly thankful for your kind words. Thanks for reminding me not everyone in this fandom is terrible.)

The day of the short, Shoma was very nervous. He wasn’t surprised to see Jason and Jason just smile and wave and keep walking because they had to focus on their competition. Jason had a very high score so far this season in the short and Shoma actually was behind that score even with his two quads to Jason’s zero. Though they were soulmates, they were competitors first. If Shoma was honest, he really admired Jason’s skates this season. To not have a solid quad yet, he racked up points by doing really cleanly on everything he did. Jason’s spins rivaled Hanyu’s spins. Jason’s step sequence rivaled Takahashi’s step sequences. Shoma was sure that once he was solid on the quad, even though he was in his 20s without it, he would be a top-level skater. His short program was a perfect example of that. 

Shoma didn’t get to see him skate, but when he was in third place after the short finished, Shoma couldn’t help but smile. “Look, Jason is in third,” he said to Mihoko and she sighed.

“You shouldn’t be so happy. He landed the quad toe. It was under, but if he pulls a quad toe triple toe in the free that eats at your cushion. You have only four points right now. And less than ten in the free, probably. He’s a threat,” she said and his smile dimmed some.

“I know, but I can still be happy he did good,” he insisted. “He’s _not_ sabotaging me,” he stressed. He looked back at the scores. “He’s not.” He felt confident now that he had spoken to Kanako, but a small part of him really did fear that Mihoko might be right and Jason wasn’t who he wanted him to be. He wanted to meet up with Jason and look him in the eyes and really look to see what kind of man looked back at him.

~

When he and Mihoko got to the hotel, he was startled when Jason popped up out of a chair in the lobby. “Shoma-kun!” he called, skipping over. He bowed his head respectfully to Mihoko. “Sensei,” he greeted.

She looked at him long and hard before nodding back. “Good evening, Brown-san,” she said before moving on, giving Shoma a pointed look. “Don’t stay up late.”

Jason smiled and waved and then turned back to Shoma, looking excited. “So I was hoping to catch you so maybe we can hang out? I’ve got snacks!”

Shoma was a little taken aback by how relaxed and casual Jason was about just their second conversation ever, but he decided not to waste his chance to get to know him. “Okay,” he said with a smile. “Sounds fun.”

“YAY!” Jason did a little dance, and Shoma couldn’t help the way his heart warmed at how silly Jason was. “Come on, Kori and Rohene let me get my own hotel room so we can eat snacks that our coaches wouldn’t normally let us have!” Shoma followed Jason to the elevator, quietly observing how he seemed to be full of energy. It was funny, he thought. Shoma was always tired more than anything, but Jason seemed to be a live wire. He wanted so badly to joke about how Jason must have gotten the bulk of their energy since they were soulmates and Shoma was so tired all the time because Jason was born first. However, he still wasn’t sure about bringing up their bond. Jason hadn’t talked about it and Shoma didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.

When they got to Jason’s room, Shoma wasn’t sure really what to do. Jason led the way and kicked his shoes off by the door, so Shoma just followed Jason’s lead as he went into the hotel room. “Alright! So, I’ve got basically anything you could eat,” Jason said, and to Shoma’s shock/horror, picked up an entire suitcase and put it on the bed.

“You keep snacks in a suitcase? Won’t they get crushed by your stuff?”

Jason beamed. “Not if it’s-“ He unzipped the case and flipped it open dramatically. “ALL TREATS!”

Shoma’s jaw dropped at the sheer amount of food in that suitcase. “Why aren’t you fat???” he demanded, and this time he was really in awe.

Jason giggled, clambering onto the bed beside the suitcase. “I’m a figure skater, duh. I don’t have to be tiny like a pairs girl. I can eat what I want with as much activity as I get. I skate five days a week and go to the gym seven days a week.”

“Oh,” Shoma said, unsure of what to say to that. 

Jason looked uncomfortable about Shoma just lingering by the side of the bed. “Come on.” He patted the bed. “It’s weird with you just standing there. Although, it makes us the same height," Jason teased and Shoma blushed and clambered up on the bed. Jason looked hesitant. “That doesn’t hurt your feelings does it? I don’t know what I can and can’t joke about really. Sorry,” he said bashfully.

Shoma smiled. “No it’s fine. I’m used to being teased for being short. I know when people are mean and when they’re just being silly. I’m not going to grow any taller so I have to be used to it.”

Jason smiled again. “Oh, good. Okay. It’s not like we’re not all short. We’re figure skaters. Figure skaters are tiny.”

Shoma giggled. “True, we’re all little guys compared to some other athletes. Yuzuru got an award next to a gymnast and they were the same size and gymnasts are very small.” Shoma made a face. “My brother is fifteen and already my height. He’s going to be taller than even you, probably.”

Jason laughed. “Awwww. Poor Shoma.” He pushed the treat suitcase towards him. “Here, let’s eat and pretend we aren’t tiny.” 

Shoma smiled and took some chocolate, sitting back as he opened it. “Your snacks are all Japanese. Are you really that obsessed?"

Jason snickered. “I’m not obsessed, I just really love Japan. And I got all of these there because it’s way cheaper than importing it.” He opened a bag of shrimp puffs and popped one in his mouth. “Besides, these are delicious and we don’t have them in America.”

Shoma nodded, chewing. “I like American candy. It’s got more sugar.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “You’re going to get fat,” he teased. “It’s okay, your chubby cheeks are adorable, you’ll just be even cuter.”

“Stop iiiiit,” Shoma whined. “Everybody talks about my fat face all the time! I’m almost an adult!” he complained.

Jason hummed. “Well, in America you are an adult, but I understand. Does it bother you?"

"Just a little," Shoma said honestly. “I get older people look at me like a kid still, but when skaters my own age are all ‘aw so adorable’ I feel kind of bad about it.”

Jason nodded more seriously. “Okay. I won’t tease you about your face anymore,” he said. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Shoma said, and he meant it. He knew Jason was just trying to get to know him and didn’t know what bothered him and what didn’t. “What do you like to do? For fun, I mean.” He wanted to get to know Jason, too, so he felt brave enough to ask him things. He looked happy that Shoma asked him a question so he decided he was going to try engaging more when he saw Jason. 

“Well, I love watching Netflix, and I like the outdoors. I go hiking and camping with my family all the time. We travel a lot too, like for fun instead of just for skating. I’m going to college right now, so it’s a little harder.”

Shoma’s eyes widened. “You’re in college? What do you study?”

“Just English right now,” Jason said, shrugging. “I would love to teach English in Japan some day.”

Shoma smiled. “You say you’re not, but I think you’re obsessed with Japan.” He giggled at Jason’s blush. “My hobbies are video games and naps,” he said, and Jason laughed out loud.

“Naps? That’s not a hobby.”

“It is when you’re always tired,” Shoma joked. “I get really bad jetlag. When I’m home I’m okay, but any time I go even a few time zones away, like China, I get really messed up.”

Jason pouted. “Aww, I’m sorry. Am I keeping you from getting to bed? Crap, I didn’t know,” he said, looking guilty and Shoma’s insiders wiggled embarrassingly.

“No,” he said warmly. “I like hanging out with you,” he said, feeling as bold as he could be. “Unless Keiji is at a competition, I don’t really hang out with people. I can’t speak English at all so I can’t make friends in other skaters. We can’t message or anything so we can’t become friends.”

Jason gasped. “That’s right! I want your number!” He reached over to grab his phone off the table. “I want to message you. I’m not as good writing Japanese as reading it but I’m passable.” He handed Shoma his phone, and Shoma saw the contact was open already. Shoma tried not to read into the way his name was written in kanji, not English like he expected. Jason really looked up the correct way to write his name and it made him feel happy. He carefully typed in his number, checking it twice to be sure. He really was giddy at the thought that finally, Jason really did want him. Even if he only wanted him as a friend, he spent so long wondering why his soulmate didn’t want him. Being friends with Jason was enough. Even if he was beautiful and Shoma wanted so badly to kiss him, he was more than happy with being friends. He always said he wanted a best friend, so if he was a good enough friend to Jason, maybe that’s what he would get some day. 

“Here,” he said, giving the phone back. “Message me so I can check and be sure it’s right.” When he picked his phone up and waited, it only took seconds for a message to arrive from an unknown number. He quickly read it and smiled. _HI SHOMA!_ He giggled and set the contact before replying with an emoji. 

“Thanks!” Jason said, and to Shoma’s intense shock, he leaned across the snack bag and hugged Shoma briefly before settling back, smiling down at his phone as he mouthed out words while typing them.

_Now we can talk all the time!_

Shoma grinned and sent one back right away.

_And I can help you with your spelling_

Jason laughed and Shoma felt warm all over. Jason was so beautiful, but his smile was his best quality. His eyes scrunched almost shut and his teeth all showed and he just had an entirely warm vibe about him when he smiled and laughed. Shoma felt calmer around Jason. Jason exuded this feeling of warmth and joy and Shoma had heard people before call Jason ‘fake’ about how positive he was, but Shoma could tell that it wasn’t true. Jason was genuine. He was beautiful. He was really that happy and sweet and kind. Shoma’s soulmate was the most amazing man and he couldn’t wait for them to get closer and for him to learn more about who Jason was. He wanted to spend his whole life being friends with Jason because that’s what he needed in his life. He needed warmth and understanding. He had it from his brother and his coaches, but Jason was his _soulmate_. He couldn’t wait to grow to be best friends with this perfect, kind, sweet man that shared his soul with him.

~

Mihoko was waiting for him when he got back to his room. She looked at him as he let them in, blushing under her scrutiny. When they got inside, she shut the door and followed him to sit at his bed. “Are you alright?” she asked, rubbing his back.

He smiled and nodded. “I’m great. Jason was really nice to me.” He beamed. “We exchanged phone numbers. He really wants to be my friend! I’m so happy,” he gushed. “I’ve always wanted a best friend and always hoped my soulmate would be my best friend and it’s going to happen! We’re going to get to know each other and be best friends and finally I’ll be valued by my soulmate!”

Mihoko sighed, looking at him with a sad smile. “I hope that’s the case,” she said earnestly. She took his hands in hers. “Shoma, I know I give you a hard time, and I know we don’t feel the same way about this situation, but I really want it to go well. I know I keep warning you to be careful, but I _want_ you to be best friends with him.” She reached up to pet his hair gently. “I want you to be happy. If being his friend makes you happy, it’s all I want. I just have worries.”

He sobered some and nodded. “I understand,” he said softly. “I am scared too. But you can’t feel it the way I do,” he added. “He’s- he’s different,” he said softly. “He was probably scared and angry when we first met. I surely wasn’t too happy about my soulmate being a boy from another country who can’t talk to me. But I was ready to try. He was probably just scared and upset and lashed out,” he reasoned. “Kana-chan said that- that it was probably stressful because he was moving up to seniors and knew we wouldn’t see each other and he was hurt that his soulmate was someone he couldn’t see or talk to and he took it out on me for not being the soulmate he expected. But clearly he tried so hard for me,” he added. “He learned Japanese. And he waited for us to be together in one place to reach out for me. He’s very nice and I felt so comfortable talking to him, and you know how scared I get of people.” He smiled nervously. “We’re going to text and call each other and learn to be friends. I trust him. I really do. He wants this too.”

She smiled and nodded. “Please just stay careful. I know it looks foolproof, but he might still be lying. You don’t know him well enough to be SURE he isn’t lying. If you trust him, I’ll hope for the best. I want this to go well for you. You’re a lonely boy sometimes and I want you to have the love of a best friend who is always there for you.” She shook her head. “I’m just harder to convince than you are. You don’t know how hard it is to see you crying like your heart was broken and know that boy did it. I hated him,” she said seriously. “When you were crying and asking what you did wrong, I wanted to strangle the life out of Jason Brown. You were so young and so scared and so hurt and I love you,” she stressed. “You’re not my son, but you’ve been my boy for fifteen years. I would do anything to protect you.”

Shoma leaned in to hug her, tucking his face into her neck. “I love you too, Sensei. Thank you for protecting me, even if you have to protect me from myself. I know it’s dangerous and mysterious and I need your rational mind to help me if I get too swayed by him.” He pulled back and smiled. “But I think it will be okay. I think he really, really cares about becoming my friend and making up for what he did then.”

“Then I hope he is the best friend and soulmate you could ever dream of,” she said and, as she stood up, she pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Get some sleep, Shoma.”

“I will,” he promised, feeling so warm and loved as his teacher left and he remembered that his soulmate – finally – wanted him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got some interesting stuff happening here and some protective brother Itsuki cuteness.

The day of the free, Shoma felt confident and excited. He was in first place. He might win gold at his first Grand Prix of the season. However, he was also desperately sad, because that meant that Jason was leaving again and he might not see him for months. Shoma couldn’t breathe when he thought about losing him after he finally had Jason in his life. It was crazy how _big_ it felt. He knew what he had lost at fourteen, but he didn’t realize how much it would feel like the most important thing in the world when he finally got Jason in his life. They had a total of two conversations and already, Jason was the most important person in his heart. Shoma loved him so much the thought of losing him again killed him. What if they didn’t see each other again any time soon? If Jason didn’t get to the final, then the closest Shoma would get to seeing him would be Four Continents. And what if Jason didn’t do well at his Nationals and didn’t get to go to Four Continents or Worlds? Jason didn’t do Japanese ice shows so he couldn’t even be sure he would see him by next summer.

Shoma might not see his soulmate for a year or more. Just the thought made him tear up and suck in a harsh breath.

“Shoma? Are you okay?” Mihoko put her hands on his shoulders, looking into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Shoma bit his lip because he knew she wouldn’t like what he said. “It’s nothing. I’m fine,” he said, and she nodded, looking doubtful but accepting his answer.

“Just calm down. There isn’t a lot of competition here. Don’t freak out, okay?”

Shoma nodded. “Okay,” he said, then hugged her, hiding his face in her shoulder as he tried to stop thinking about Jason. He needed to focus on skating. He had a medal to win.

~

Shoma stood atop the podium, happy with his gold medal, but equally as happy to have Jason at his side with a silver. Jason was so happy and Shoma liked that he was happy. After everything was done with for the press, Shoma went looking for Jason. When he found him, he approached him carefully since he was talking with his coach. “Jason?”

Jason turned around, beaming. “Shoma-kun!” He surprised Shoma by throwing his arms around him for a hug. “Congratulations,” he said, squeezing Shoma tight.

Shoma closed his eyes and took the brief moment to just breathe in Jason’s scent before he was released. “Thank you. Congratulations on your silver,” he said, smiling up at him. You did really good.” He giggled some. “You were only six points behind me and I have multiple quads. You’re going to be kicking all of our asses when you’re stable on your quads.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Yeah, if I can stop getting injured maybe that will happen.” He smiled, putting a hand on Shoma’s shoulder. “Hey, let’s hang out at the banquet, yeah?” he asked, and Shoma nodded.

“Definitely. See you there,” he said, waving as he left to go back to Mihoko and get his stuff together. 

If, later that night, he hugged his pillow and tried to remember exactly how Jason’s arms felt around him and how he smelled really good even though he had to be sweaty and how warm it made him feel when Jason hugged him, nobody had to know that. 

~

“Shoma-kun!” Shoma turned around and all the air was sucked out of his lungs because Jason Brown in a suit was _gorgeous_. Kanako snickered and elbowed him and he snapped out of it. “Oh, hey Kana-chan,” Jason greeted, waving at her as he caught up with them. “What’s up, guys?”

“Jason, always good to see you,” she said, greeting him with a bow of her head. “You both did really well! I’m happy for you guys.” She then winked. “I’ll let you have Shoma for now. You guys probably want to spend some time together before we all leave,” she said, then walked away with a wave. 

Shoma blushed and Jason frowned in confusion. “Sorry. She, uh. She knows we’ve been hanging out this week,” he said, and Jason seemed content with that answer.

“Oh. Anyways! Come on!” Jason tugged him along. “Let’s dance!”

Shoma paled. “Jason, no!” He tried to dig his heels, in, but Jason wouldn’t take no for an answer. Shoma tried to hide his face as Jason started dancing like an idiot, but it just got him grabbed by the wrists so Jason could make him wave his arms like an idiot with him. Shoma was embarrassed, but he had to admit, he was having fun. 

“Shoma-kun dancing? What’s happening in this world?!” Mao asked, coming up beside him.

He giggled and ducked his head, but Jason just shook his hands again. “Jason is convincing,” he said and she cooed.

“Jason, you’re doing a great deed in getting Shoma out of his shell.” She ruffled Shoma’s hair, making him whine. “Have fun, Shoma! You won a gold medal!”

So he did. Shoma decided not to be so shy and just enjoy the last night he might get for a long time with his soulmate. He kept his eyes on Jason the whole night, imprinting every detail of Jason’s face into his mind so that he could think about him and imagine his smile whenever things got tough. Jason was so happy and carefree and Shoma wanted to remember every single second of this week because it might be the happiest week of his life so far all because of the beautiful, incredible man who had, for some reason, decided to give Shoma a second chance.

~

Shoma didn’t get to talk to Jason as much as he wanted to after they exchanged numbers. Time differences were the worst, Shoma decided. They did try to have at least one conversation every week, but it was hard. Shoma wanted to talk to him all the time. If he had a bad practice, he wanted to talk to Jason. If he did well, he wanted Jason to be the first person he told. He wanted more updates about what Jason was doing or how his life was going. He liked learning about Jason’s family and his home but he really wanted to know more about his hopes and dreams and what he ate for dinner and who his favorite skater before them was and just _anything_. 

Jason was really excited about his second Grand Prix assignment since Shoma won his and made it to the Grand Prix Final. Shoma hoped he did well and made the final as well, especially after Jason sent a message that Shoma still couldn’t believe was real.

**Jason** :  
 _Is it weird that I miss speaking to you? Liking someone’s voice is weird, but I would rather talk to you than send messages._

Shoma didn’t know what to do with that, but _God_ he felt the same. He missed Jason’s voice and his laugh and his smile. Some nights when he felt bad, he replayed dancing at the banquet with him to make him feel better. He knew not to hope that Jason would ever love him back, or that even if he did they could be together, but sometimes he whispered it out loud while saying goodbye at the end of their text conversation. He would sign off with a goodbye and a whispered, “I love you, Jason,” before putting his phone away and trying not to freak out over the fact he was gay and still not really sure how to handle that. 

Shoma didn’t realize how badly it would hurt to see Jason do poorly and realize he wasn’t going to get to see him any time soon. He was sitting on the floor watching NHK on TV with his family and when he saw Jason sniffling with tears in his eyes, Shoma put a hand over his mouth and fought back tears of his own. Unfortunately, his mom saw this. “Shoma? Are you okay? Do you know that boy?” she asked.

Shoma sniffled and wiped his eyes quickly. “Yeah, that’s my friend Jason. I’m sad he didn’t do well.”

“Wait, friend?” Itsuki asked, looking angry suddenly. “Come on, don’t tell me you talked to him!”

Shoma gave him a warning look. “It’s none of your business.”

“Bullshit!” Itsuki said loudly.

“ITSUKI!” Their mom smacked him in the arm. “Watch your language! And boys, why are you arguing? What is this whole thing even about?”

“Nothing-“

“That American hurt you so badly, why the hell did you forgive him?!” Itsuki demanded.

“Itsuki, stop!” Shoma snapped, glaring at him. 

“Boys!” They both looked over at their father, who was looking at them sternly. “Stop shouting at each other.”

“Shoma,” his mother said seriously. “What does he mean that that boy hurt you?” she asked gently. “Did something happen before that you didn’t tell us about?”

Shoma huffed, glaring at Itsuki. “Great job, asshole,” he said, wincing when his father barked at him for cursing. He sighed and looked at his mother. “Jason is my soulmate,” he confessed and both his parents looked shocked. “I’ve known since I was fourteen.”

“What?!” his mother asked, gasping. “What do you mean? You’ve seen color for four years and never told us? Why wouldn’t you tell us you found your soulmate?”

Shoma bit his lip. “B-Because he rejected me,” he said quietly. “He refused to talk to me and he told Mihoko he wasn’t going to be my soulmate, no matter what the colors said, and I was crushed. I didn’t want anybody to know. Ever. Mihoko is the only one who knew until I messed up and mentioned the colors on an anime I liked to Itsuki and I told him what happened.”

“He rejected you?” his mother asked, looking horrified. “Oh Shoma, I’m so sorry I didn’t know so I could comfort you. I can’t imagine if your aunt didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

Shoma nodded. “I was just… I don’t know. Ashamed? Mihoko said it wasn’t my fault but I felt like it had to be my fault somehow and I didn’t want everybody looking at me with pity all the time. But it’s okay now,” he pointed out. “At Skate America, we were both there, and he came up to me and just asked to start talking and we did. We hung out some and he’s really cool,” he said, smiling shyly. “He’s very nice and we have a lot in common.”

“Why did you forgive him though?” Itsuki demanded. “He hurt you so much-“

“You don’t understand what having a soulmate is like,” Shoma interrupted seriously. “Yeah I was heartbroken my soulmate didn’t want me, but I still cared the whole time. All I ever wanted was for him to be my friend. Now he wants to be my friend. I’m not going to turn him down.”

Itsuki just looked disgusted. “That’s so manipulative-“

“Itsuki,” his mother said sternly. “Sweetheart, I know you’re protective of your brother, but you don’t understand,” she reiterated. “Your aunt and I talk every single day and whenever something happens, she’s the first person I want to tell about it. Having a soulmate means you and another person share a bond that nothing else compares to. No, I don’t love her more than I love you, but I love her differently than I love anybody else. It’s very understandable to me why Shoma would forgive his soulmate. And I understand why his soulmate came to him now that he had a chance after making a terrible decision as a child.”

Shoma nodded eagerly. “I haven’t asked him because I don’t want to make him feel bad for rejecting me back then, but I think he was probably just scared and upset his soulmate wasn’t someone close by.” He smiled bashfully. “He said he learned Japanese for me, so I guess he has been planning on finding me again all this time. He studied really hard for the past four years so we can talk. It’s kind of hard to talk since we live so far apart and time zones mess it up, but he’s really a good friend, Mom,” he urged. He deflated some, looking back at the TV. “I hate that he did so bad. I was really hoping we would go to the final together. Now I won’t get to see him until four continents if we both get assignments.”

His mother cooed. “Awwww, I know it has to be hard, Shoma, but your friendship will be fine. I’m just so happy you made up with him.”

“I still don’t like it,” Itsuki said boldly. “Just because he’s your soulmate, you should at least get an apology. How do you know he’s not using your soulmate bond to throw you off your game so he can beat you?”

Shoma groaned. “Are you and Mihoko-sensei starting a club or something?! She’s always going on about that. Jason isn’t like that. He wouldn’t hurt me!”

“He did it once,” Itsuki said simply and Shoma sighed. 

“Whatever. I’m going to text _my soulmate_ and _friend_ and make sure he’s okay after his bad skate,” Shoma said, throwing the words right at Itsuki as he did so.

“Just be careful.” Shoma was surprised when he stood up to hear his father’s voice. He looked back at him and his father looked him in the eyes. “I know I don’t have a soulmate so I can’t understand the way you and your mother feel. But I do understand your coach’s urging that you are careful. I’m not going to say I think that’s what he’s doing, but if Sensei is worried, I think caution is a good plan. Don’t tell him things he can use against you, but don’t push him away either.” He gave a small nod. “You’re lucky you got a soulmate who can be your best friend, not your girlfriend. At your level of sport, and your age, relationships would be hard even with a soul bond.”

Shoma blushed but nodded, then scurried away to go get his phone. His parents could never know how he felt about Jason and that he was gay, but his father mentioning that a girlfriend would be difficult at his age and with his career right now made it easier to stay single and never have to come up with a reason why.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some Shoma having a gay panic!

Since they were in the same time zone, Shoma called Jason and was heartbroken when Jason answered, audibly sniffling. “Shoma, I did so bad,” he croaked out and Shoma lay down on his bed, clutching his chest. “I thought I was going to do good, but I did really bad.”

“I’m so sorry,” Shoma whispered. “I was watching. I was so hoping you would do really good and end up at the final. I’m sorry.”

Jason laughed wetly. “Why do I keep doing this?” he asked tiredly. “Why do I keep trying to skate when I’m not good enough? I’m never going to be good enough, Shoma.”

Shoma sat up, panicking slightly. “Jason. You’re too good and too young to quit. You’re not a bad skater. You got a silver medal at Skate America! You’re so, so good.”

“But I’m just not,” Jason whispered. “You’re eighteen and already a top five skater. Nathan Chen is senior now. He’s going to be the USA’s top skater. I never got to be the top skater. How am I ever going to the Olympics again if I’m not the best skater in America? I’m never going to win a medal at Worlds. I can’t do quads, Shoma,” he choked out and Shoma wiped at his own tears. 

“You are going to get better,” Shoma urged. “And you’re already great now! I don’t understand why you think you’ve got to be the best in America. I’m never going to beat Yuzuru. That’s just a fact. I will _never_ be the top skater in Japan, either, but I’m still going to skate my best and accept my highest potential. All you have to do is skate so beautifully like you do and make people happy. You have so many fans because you’re incredible, not because of your scores.” He closed his eyes. “You make me want to do better, Jason. Not the other way around. Your skating is so strong you’re perfect. Other than the quads, you’re _perfect_. How many skaters can say that? I want to be as good as you some day.”

“Shoma, that’s silly. You’re amazing.”

Shoma smiled. “So are you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to go into territory we haven’t touched on before,” he warned him. “Even for all those years we didn’t talk, you were my favorite figure skater in the whole world. Even more than Mao. You’re my favorite, Jason. Not because of our soul bond but because you’re so _good_.”

Jason was quiet for a while before he laughed weakly. “Wow. I’m honored. You really think that?”

“It’s not just me,” he said gently. “Yuzuru-san? He thinks you’re amazing. You guys don’t really talk much but wow. He thinks you’re so cool. His coaches really emphasize being well rounded and he talks about how you have spins he wishes he had and skating skills he works so hard to achieve. He’s the best skater in the whole world and he admires you. Why would you give up when the best skater possibly ever thinks you’re super cool?”

Jason laughed gently. “Thank you, Shoma-kun. I’m very flattered Yuzuru thinks I’m great. He’s really the best ever.”

Shoma smiled, heart warming as he heard Jason’s voice lighten up. “Yuzuru respects good skating. He tells me I have too many crossovers all the time. He says I have good skating skills and have step sequences to rival Takahashi-san, but I waste my talent by doing crossovers between jumps.”

“You really do,” Jason admitted. “You’ve got it in you to be Yuzuru’s level. I know it’s hard to skate how he does, but it means you care about your artistry. You have the potential to be perfect. You’re such a beautiful skater, Shoma. I wish you could be as good as I know you can be.”

“You, too,” he urged. “You have the potential to be the best skater other than Yuzuru, Jason. You just have to believe in yourself.”

After a long pause Jason sighed. “Thank you for calling me, Shoma. I really feel better now. And I love knowing that you believe in me.”

Shoma smiled, pressing his face into his pillow for a moment. “Of course I believe in you. You’re amazing and I can’t wait to see you at Four Continents.”

“Gah, I hate that it’s so long before I see you again, Shoma,” Jason confessed. “Being with you feels so right. It sucks it took so long to get to know you. I hope I get to see you soon.”

“Me, too,” Shoma said softly. “You probably are exhausted so I’ll say goodnight and let you rest. I’ll text you later?”

“Yeah, goodnight, Shoma-kun. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

When they hung up, Shoma felt warmer than ever. The acknowledged their soulmate bond. They talked about their hopes and dreams and their confidence in each other. Shoma felt nearly giddy at the idea that even after so little time, he was surely on his way to having a best friend for the first time in his entire life. 

~

When Shoma got bronze at the final, Jason called him even though it had to be a ridiculous hour in Colorado, and they celebrated over the phone. When Shoma won Japanese Nationals, Jason cheered for him excitedly over the phone again. He felt bad for making Jason deal with time zones, but then he found himself doing the same, watching as Jason got bronze at his nationals at a ridiculous hour. They were so close to being together again and Shoma couldn’t wait. But he was also nervous about what it would do to him to be in touching distance of Jason again.

Just before Jason’s nationals, Jason had sent him a silly Pokémon plushie as a present for his birthday and Shoma had cried. Now as he fidgeted with his Pikachu plushie, he tried not to think about the dream he had last night. He was still blushing even though it was hours later. He was so embarrassed and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

In spite of being a nineteen-year-old virgin who had never so much as kissed anybody, Shoma wasn’t exactly shy about sex. Like any guy his age, he’d seen his fair share of porn. He may even have a few videos hidden in a secret folder on his laptop with two men in them since he realized he was probably gay. But that dream had been so much better than any porn ever could be. 

_Shoma gasped, arching his back, legs tightening around the muscled waist of the man between his legs. His throat tingled with every kiss and bite as Jason filled him perfectly. He dug his blunt nails into Jason’s back, moaning as every thrust made him see stars. Jason’s strong hands gripped his waist as he urged Shoma’s body towards orgasm with every kiss and touch._

Shoma shook his head, groaning. “Stoopp,” he whined, smacking himself in the forehead. “Stop thinking about it.” He flopped over, looking at his plushie. “Pika, what is wrong with me? I shouldn’t think about him that way.” He rolled over on his back and groaned. “I’m going to die a virgin, why bother thinking about it.”

“HA, I knew you had never landed a girl!” Shoma sat up quickly, flushing as he saw Itsuki standing in his doorway.

“ITSUKI!” he screeched, and then in his panic, threw Pika at him, nailing him in the face. “Stop being so sneaky!”

Itsuki picked up the toy and carried it with him to go hop on the bed, bouncing Shoma annoyingly. “Soooo. Whatcha thinking about?” he asked with a teasing smirk. 

“Shut up,” Shoma said, flushed. He snatched Pika back and slapped Itsuki in the arm. 

“Who are you trying to have sex with?”

“Nobody!” Shoma whined, shoving him. “Also you’re fifteen, stop talking about sex!”

Itsuki rolled his eyes. “I’m not five. Now come on, tell me who you like!” he demanded.

Shoma groaned. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Shoma, shoma, shoma, shoma-“

“I’M GAY!” Shoma clapped his hands over his mouth, eyes wide. Itsuki stared at him in shock and Shoma immediately began to tear up. “Oh God.” He put his face in his hands and started crying. “Oh God.”

He was surprised to feel arms going around him. “Shoma, it’s okay,” Itsuki said, and Shoma cried harder, wrapping his arms around Itsuki to hug him back. “It’s okay, I promise,” Itsuki repeated.

“No it’s not,” he sobbed. “I’m _gay_! Mom and Dad would hate me if they know, and- and I would lose sponsors. I’d never get to skate again.”

Itsuki was quiet for a little while. “Is that why you changed your mind so easily about the American?” he asked softly.

Shoma whimpered and nodded, pressing his face into Itsuki’s shoulder. “Yeah,” he whimpered.

“Oh, Shoma.” Itsuki rubbed his back. “You love him.”

Shoma nodded again. “He’s everything to me, Itsuki. I can’t ever tell him, because I can’t ever get caught, and even if I did, he might not feel the same. I’ll never have a boyfriend because I can’t get caught, and that’s so scary. Why couldn’t I just be straight?” he whimpered.

“You’re fine just how you are,” Itsuki said. He pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “Listen, you’re my big brother and I love you no matter what,” he said, and Shoma cried harder.

“Thank you,” Shoma choked out. “I- I needed to hear that.” He wiped his face and Itsuki smiled.

“You’ve been looking after me since I was born. I’ll beat up anybody who gives you crap if they find out you’re gay,” he offered. 

Shoma smiled and sniffled. “You’re an annoying ass sometimes, but I love you, Itsuki.”

“Awwwww, my heart,” Itsuki cooed. He laughed and Shoma shoved him over, rolling his eyes. “But really, the American?” he asked. He made a face. “He’s not even cute.”

Shoma felt a surge of protectiveness. “Yes he is,” he argued. “He’s beautiful,” he said shyly. He looked down at Pika, hugging him close. “When he smiles I want to never look at anything else,” he mumbled.

“Gross, you’re so gay,” Itsuki teased and Shoma swatted at him with Pika. “Well, if you end up dating him, I’ll cover for you,” he said and Shoma rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, right. That’s not gonna happen. Even if he is gay, it’s too tough for a figure skater to date like that,” he said, sighing heavily. “But I can love him in secret. We’re soulmates. We’ll stay together as friends. That’s all I need.”

Itsuki patted his knee. “Well, I guess I’ll stop giving you shit about him. I still hate him for what he did to you. But if you really love him, I guess I’ll let it go.”

“Thanks,” Shoma said softly. He hugged Pika and smiled. “He gave me this for my birthday. How sweet is that?”

Itsuki rolled his eyes. “It’s a stuffed Pikachu and you’re a Japanese teenager. That’s practically racism.”

“It is not! He knows I like Pokémon,” he said, hugging it tighter. “I love Pika,” he said bashfully.

Itsuki poked him in the knee. “You’re really gay,” he teased and Shoma smiled.

“And you’re definitely a pest.”

~

Shoma felt lighter now that his brother knew. Having someone understand why he smiled at his phone when he got messages with love in his eyes made him feel lighter. He was so excited because he and Jason were going to be at Four Continents together so soon. He didn’t care what happened, he just wanted to see him and talk to him and hear his voice again but without tears this time. Jason was so beautiful on the ice and Shoma couldn’t wait to have practice sessions with him. Mihoko just kept smiling and shaking her head as she watched him eagerly looking around when they got to the rink.

“You need to focus, Shoma. I know you want to see Jason, but you need to focus,” she warned him.

“I know,” he sighed, bouncing on his toes some. “I’m just excited! We’ve had some really good talks lately!” Shoma whined. “And his spelling is getting a lot better,” he said proudly. 

“Alright, go change,” she said, and he nodded, ducking into the locker room. 

A lot of people were there already, including Yuzuru. When Yuzuru spotted him he squeaked and waved both hands. “Shoma-kun! I haven’t seen you lately,” he said, tugging him into a hug.

“Hey, Yuzu-kun,” he greeted, smiling up at him. “Is Keiji here yet?”

“Yeah,” Yuzuru said. “He already changed and left I think.” 

Shoma walked around the row of lockers to find one unoccupied, only to immediately lift his head and get a whole eyeful of Jason without a shirt on. His jaw dropped and he dropped his bag in shock because _holy fuck_ at those abs. All skaters had good bodies, but fuck Jason’s abs were so hot. The sound of his bag caught Jason’s attention, and Jason looked over at him, only to gasp and beam. “SHOMA-KUN!” He rushed over and swept him into his arms, hugging him tight and rocking them back and forth.

“Uh, hi,” Shoma said, unable to get over the fact that _shirtless Jason_ was hugging him. 

Jason pulled back, smiling like he was happier than he ever was before. “Oh my God, I’ve missed you! I’m so happy you’re here!”

Shoma cleared his throat and smiled at him. “Me, too. I’ve missed you, too,” he mumbled.

“We can talk later, right? I’ll share my snacks again,” he offered, and Shoma blushed but nodded.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, though he was already dreading the stress of sitting on a _bed_ with Jason now that he knew what he looked like topless. 

When Jason finished dressing and left, Shoma immediately started banging his head lightly against the locker door in front of him, not caring that Boyang Jin was looking at him like he was possessed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had a rush of inspiration and nearly have this one finished you guys! There will be I think 2 more chapters and the epilogue!

Shoma smiled when he got to Jason’s room and was greeted by a hug. He closed his eyes and just breathed him in. “Man, I missed you, Shoma-kun,” he said, and Shoma smiled when they pulled apart.

“I missed you, too.” They went inside and Jason ran and leapt onto the bed, bouncing excitedly and Shoma felt the urge to do the same. He giggled when he landed, and Jason beamed back at him. 

“I like when you laugh,” he said fondly and Shoma felt his cheeks heating. “Don’t be shy! Come on, I’m me,” Jason said, grabbing his wrist to shake him playfully. “No need to ever be shy with me.”

Shoma ducked his head because he always felt shy with Jason, more than with a lot of people. He weirdly felt comfortable with him, too. It was part of being a soulmate, Shoma guessed. He shook himself some and smiled. “I think I was promised snacks,” Shoma teased and Jason threw his hands up.

“Yes! Snack time!” He got the snack suitcase – which Shoma still found hilarious – and opened it. “So, chocolate or chips?”

Shoma hummed. “I think chocolate!” he said brightly, and Jason gave him a bar of chocolate. Shoma opened it with a ‘thank you’ and took a big bite. “Mmmmm.”

Jason snickered. “Come here,” he said, reaching over to wipe chocolate off of the corner of Shoma’s mouth, and Shoma stilled. Jason didn’t even seem to notice as he _licked his finger clean_ and then got his own pack of snacks from the bag. Shoma didn’t know how to react. That wasn’t something friends did. At least he didn’t know of friends who so casually wiped their friend’s lip and then licked what they had wiped off. Shoma looked down at his chocolate and took another bite, very confused about what was happening. He looked at Jason while Jason ate and started chatting about the competition. He wasn’t sure why Jason did something like that. They were friends. Jason had never made any suggestion or indication that he had any intention for this to be anything but friendship. Shoma didn’t want to get his hopes up but at the same time, that was an impossible thing to ask from him. He was desperately in love with his soulmate, and even the hint of affection made his heart want to leap out of his chest. 

“Shoma? You okay?” he asked, and Shoma shook himself, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, smiling. He ate more chocolate and then told Jason about how Itsuki made fun of his Pikachu Jason gave him. 

Jason laughed. “I want to meet your brother. He sounds really adorable,” he cooed.

Shoma smiled and nodded. “He’s my favorite person in the whole world,” he said softly, then hesitated. “Um, besides you,” he added bashfully.

Jason put a hand to his chest. “Oh, Shoma. You’re sweet.”

Shoma couldn’t help but think about how much he trusted Jason, and he knew that Mihoko would kill him if she found out he told Jason what he was digging up the nerve to tell him, but he had to. He had to know his soulmate would still be there for him no matter what. Even if Jason didn’t want him that way since he had never done anything to suggested he did, that lip wipe aside, he deserved Shoma’s honestly. “Itsuki is only one of two people in the whole world I ever told that I-I’m gay,” he said, looking down at his lap. “Kana-chan knows because I asked her what was wrong with me when I realized I like boys. Then I told Itsuki not long ago.”

“Shoma,” Jason said in a serious tone, so Shoma looked up. “Why would you think anything is wrong with you for being gay?” he asked, looking confused. “A lot of us skaters are gay, Shoma. I’m far from the only one on Team USA,” he pointed out, and Shoma’s heart skipped a beat. 

So that confirmed it. Jason was gay, too. It made sense, Shoma figured. Sure, Jason probably still wasn’t ever going to fall in love with him, but he could talk to him about stuff he couldn’t talk about with anybody else. Shoma smiled softly, holding back the stinging tears that burned his eyes. “I’m Japanese. The best you can hope for is that you’re good enough nobody mentions it. The worst is you having no friends, your family rejecting you, and all your sponsors dropping you so you never skate again.” He groaned, wiping his eyes. “I’m so sick of crying about this,” he whimpered. “I’m so sick of being scared all the time. Itsuki knowing is the best thing to ever happen because he just hugged me and told me he loves me and that there’s nothing wrong with me.”

Jason reached out and took Shoma’s hand, pulling him into a hug. Shoma clung to him, sniffling into his shoulder. “Nothing is wrong with you. And I won’t ever let anybody hurt you for being who you are. As long as you’re with me, nobody will ever spill your secret. I promise. You’re safe with me. Always.”

Shoma laughed wetly. “You make it sound like I’m going to get attacked. I just don’t want to lose my sponsors.”

Jason held him close and rubbed his back. “Come on. Let’s eat more junk and fall asleep watching anime,” he said, and Shoma’s heart leapt into his throat. 

“You want me to stay?” he asked, and Jason shrugged.

“You don’t have to, but that way we can stay up late without getting busted by our coaches,” he said, and Shoma grinned.

“That sounds like a great idea,” he decided, and Jason high-fived him and grabbed the remote to try and find something on TV.

~

Waking up, Shoma wondered why he felt so warm. He tried to roll over, only to find himself backed against the wall. He frowned because the beds in a hotel room shouldn’t be against a wall. And then he opened his eyes and saw suitcases that weren’t his. Shoma blinked and woke up more, only to realize exactly where he was.

Jason’s hotel room. 

He turned his head and flushed when he realized that he was sleeping in Jason’s bed, and Jason was snuggled up behind him. He reached down and flushed when he found Jason’s hand, it was resting lightly on his hip. He panicked internally because he was _cuddling_ with his soulmate. The man he was in love with. The man he wanted to kiss silly. He was literally spooning with him. 

Shoma slid away carefully, falling off the bed with a small thud. He sat up, looking back at Jason, but he didn’t move. Shoma crawled around the bed and grabbed his jacket and phone. He got up and left quietly, barely hesitating before running from Jason’s hotel room towards his own. He wasn’t even sure why he was so scared and panicked. He just slept over. He didn’t do anything wrong. They just cuddled and fell asleep. He slept that way with Keiji before when it was cold at a competition. It just felt different. Jason was gay, he knew Shoma was gay, they were soulmates, Jason wiped his lip, all of it. It was terrifying. 

When he got to his room, however, things got a whole lot worse. 

Mihoko was standing at his door, looking at her phone. “Um. Sensei,” he said as he got to her.

She looked up and looked at his clothes from yesterday and how rumpled he looked. She tilted her head and gave him a warning look. “Oh tell me you didn’t do what it looks like you did,” she said, walking over to him. She grabbed his shoulders and looked at his neck and face. “Shoma-“

“I was with Jason,” he admitted. He shook his head rapidly. “But it isn’t what you think. I just fell asleep. We- we were eating snacks and fell asleep.”

Mihoko looked doubtful. “Shoma. Tell me you’re not sneaking around with him.”

“No! I’m not!” he defended. “Jason isn’t like that. He’s just my friend.”

She stared at him closely and then shook her head. “I really hope you aren’t lying to me. You cannot be gay, Shoma,” she whispered. 

He swallowed hard. “I’m- I’m not.” He shook his head. “I’m not gay,” he lied, fighting the pain it took to lie when he finally was beginning to accept himself. 

She sighed and nodded. “Good. Stay that way.”

She let Shoma go inside and he did. And then immediately went to shower so nobody would hear him crying. It hurt so bad to be told he couldn’t be gay when he almost accepted himself as gay. Itsuki still loved him, Jason was gay too, and he finally felt like maybe it was okay, he could be gay in private and not be scared. But the reminder that nobody else would accept him hurt so bad. He sat down in the bottom of the shower and hugged his knees, whimpering. He just wanted to be normal. He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to not be in love with his soulmate that just wanted to be his friend. He wanted to stop being hurt over and over and scared so badly. 

Shoma just wanted to be okay.

~

Jason didn’t raise any questions about Shoma bolting while he still slept, but Shoma also had to be distant because Mihoko was very suspicious. Jason seemed sad that Shoma couldn’t hang out with him after the short, but he explained that since he was in second place, he needed to focus. Mihoko wasn’t going to allow him to go hang out. 

“I hate it, too,” Shoma said with his best puppy eyes. “I want to spend as much time as I can with you, Jason. I promise,” he urged.

Jason smiled sadly. “I know you do, Sho,” he said, and when he opened his arms, Shoma gratefully stepped into his hug. He breathed deeply and relaxed, letting Jason hold him for a bit longer than usual. 

“Awww, so cuuuute.” They pulled apart at Yuzuru’s voice, and he was looking at them with a big smile. “You two are adorable! I didn’t know you guys were so close!”

Shoma blushed but Jason just beamed, wrapping his arm around Shoma’s shoulder. “Yeah. Shoma’s kind of the best thing to ever happen to me!” he gushed, and Shoma looked up at him in alarm. What was he thinking saying something like that in front of others?

Yuzuru gasped. “Wait, you are soulmates?!” He beamed, clapping happily. “Oh wow, Shoma-kun, you didn’t say you found your soulmate! I’m so happy for you!” 

Jason nodded. “Yeah, we’re still working out the whole ‘soulmates who live on opposite sides of the world’ part, but it’s awesome.”

Yuzuru cooed. “I’m going to be so sad when the off season starts. Having your soulmate be in the same town is so much better than time apart. If Javi didn’t live where I do most of the time, I don’t know what I would do.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. He didn’t even know that Javier was Yuzuru’s soulmate, but that made so much sense. Javier looked at Yuzuru like he hung the moon. Of course they weren’t just friends but soulmates. Jason, however, just let out a big ‘awwww’. “That’s so cuuuute. I’m honestly thinking about visiting Shoma for the summer. I can meet his family and get to know his brother and all that good stuff,” he said, and Shoma looked up at him in surprise. Jason had not mentioned that at all. Shoma didn’t know what it would do to him to have Jason for a longer time than a week and then have to go back to long-distance friendship.

“I’ve got to go,” Shoma said, looking up at Jason apologetically. “Bye,” he said, waiving with a floppy hand.

Jason smiled and pulled him into a quick hug. “Bye, I’ll talk to you later.”

When he got to Mihoko she put a hand on his back. “You need to calm down on the hugging. You’ll get the same rumors about you that Hanyu has. They say he and his friend Fernandez are lovers from how they touch.”

Shoma rolled his eyes. “They’re not, they’re soulmates.”

“Well they don’t look like just friend soulmates,” she said pointedly. “You have to stop sleeping in his room and hugging him all the time.”

Shoma huffed. “I slept over one time, and he’s a touchy guy. He does that to everybody!” He turned around to face her. “He’s my soulmate. It’s just how it is. You have to stop acting like I’m committing a crime just by feeling the natural effects of our soul bond. And he just casually mentioned it to Yuzuru, so it’s not like people are going to speculate we’re lovers. They’ll hear that we’re soulmates and understand. I can’t keep getting the same lecture every time I so much as look at the person that I share my _soul_ with.” He shook his head. “This isn’t going to change. He’s not going away. He’s going to be important to me for the rest of our lives.” He looked her in the eyes. “This is my life now.”

She sighed. “Fine.” He waited for her to say something else, but she didn’t, so he turned so they could continue on their trip.

~

After the competition was over, Shoma had a shiny new bronze medal and Jason was satisfied with his top ten finish since he had removed the quad from his program. At the banquet, they both had a few flutes of champagne and spent the whole night talking to people and dancing together. Yuzuru made fun of Shoma for dancing when he was usually so shy, but he didn’t care, because Jason’s smile was beautiful and Shoma would make as much of a fool of himself as he needed to keep that smile on his face. 

They left the banquet together, and giggled their whole way to Jason’s room. They crashed on the bed, barely managing to remove their jackets and ties and shoes, and Shoma didn’t even think twice about falling into Jason’s open arms, settling his head on his chest and his arm around Jason’s middle. He fell asleep to the sound of Jason’s heart and the scene of champagne and the natural smell of Jason with every breath he took. 

When he woke up in the morning, Jason was watching him sleep and when he saw Shoma’s eyes open, he smiled and rubbed his side. “Breakfast?” he asked, and Shoma nodded, smiling right back.

“But in a minute,” he said, snuggling closer to Jason’s warmth.

Jason rubbed his back and hummed, closing his eyes again. “In a minute,” he agreed softly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will like this one

In the lead-up to Worlds, Shoma kind of wondered if maybe he had lied to Mihoko. Jason started talking in a way that really, really sounded like flirting, but Shoma was so confused. Everything about Jason this season confused him. He came out of nowhere wanting to suddenly be his soulmate, and he still never explained that to Shoma. Shoma was too afraid to ask on the tiny chance that what Mihoko said was true, he was running a long trick to break him down. Even though he was in love with Jason, he wanted him as his friend. He couldn’t be the boyfriend Jason needed. Which was why Shoma really was confused and a little upset by Jason casually dropping a message that said, _I miss holding you_ , or _Can you send me a photo of your beautiful smile to get me through the day?_

Shoma didn’t understand. 

However, it didn’t stop him from daydreaming. Shoma’s favorite daydream was remembering Jason shirtless and the way he felt holding him in bed and put the two together. More than once, Shoma lay in his bed late at night, one hand over his mouth and the other stroking himself as he imagined what would happen that morning they stayed in bed to cuddle if they were naked. Warm, sleepy, gentle sex that was the very definition of ‘making love’. Sharing sweet kisses as they moved together in search of pleasure, but not in any hurry to reach the finish line. 

Shoma always came to the thought of Jason’s weight atop him as he gazed down into Shoma’s eyes with those gorgeous, sleepy brown eyes the color of chocolate as he slowly, tenderly thrust into Shoma’s body, eliciting nothing but pleasure from every nerve in his body. If he was alone at home, he took the time to finger himself while masturbating because in his dreams and fantasies he was beneath Jason where he felt safe and protected. Not to mention, when Shoma found his prostate the first time, he was really glad he was home alone because he shouted a cry of pleasure and came all over himself right then and there. 

Every time Jason said something sweet or borderline flirtatious, it confused him because he told himself over and over it was never going to happen, and yet, it was what he wanted more than anything. Every, _I love your pretty Bambi eyes_ and _I could really use a Shoma-hug right now_ broke his heart a little bit because he didn’t understand and was terrified that maybe this was what Mihoko warned him about all along: Jason trying to distract him. He didn’t want to believe Jason would do that, but he couldn’t understand why else Jason was saying things like that.

He got his answer at Worlds. And he was not prepared in the slightest.

~

Shoma arrived early at Worlds to try and not be so jetlagged. He was napping when there came a knock on his door. When he stumbled out of bed, he got to the door and opened it, only to be surprised by immediately having arms around him. He was confused until he breathed in and realized who was holding him. “Jason?” he mumbled sleepily.

Jason pulled back, beaming down at him. “Hi. Sorry, were you sleeping?” He raised a hand to flatten Shoma’s hair, and his hand lingered on Shoma’s face. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

Shoma smiled sleepily and nodded. “I missed you, too.” He ducked in for another hug, tucking his head under Jason’s chin. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Come on,” Jason said, and Shoma looked up at him in confusion. Jason smirked. “Sleepy, you need to go back to your nap.” Shoma let Jason turn him around and lead him back to his bed. Jason shrugged off his coat and shoes and crawled into the bed behind him. Shoma hummed in confusion, but didn’t complain when Jason spooned up behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Shhhhh, sleep Shoma-kun.”

“Mmmm, okay,” Shoma mumbled. He sleepily curled his fingers around Jason’s on his tummy. “I sleep better when you’re here.”

“Me, too,” Jason whispered, and Shoma hummed softly when he felt pressure to the back of his neck, but he was already almost asleep so he didn’t question what it was. 

~

Waking up warm and comfortable was Shoma’s favorite way to wake up. There was a soothing stroking to his tummy and he liked it. Shoma sighed and mumbled, “That feels good.”

“Mmmm, it should,” Jason murmured. Shoma sighed contentedly… until Jason’s lips brushed the shell of his ear. 

Shoma opened his eyes. “Jason?” He turned his head to look over his shoulder at him, and Jason just smiled at him.

“Hi.” Jason looked at his eyes and sighed. “You’re so beautiful, Shoma.”

Shoma shuffled around, pouting in confusion. “Jason?” he mumbled, looking at him head on.

Jason raised his hand and held Shoma’s face in his hand. “God, look at you,” he sighed. He leaned closer, and Shoma’s heart started pounding. He could only imagine how wide his eyes were. “Shoma-kun,” he sighed, just before his lips pressed against Shoma’s. 

Time stopped. Shoma’s heart rate spiked. His lips tingled and his toes and fingers tingled, too, and he couldn’t breathe, and all of that was just from a tentative brush of lips. When Jason pressed their mouths together more firmly, Shoma’s eyes fluttered shut and he whimpered. He never knew a kiss would feel like this. Jason slid his fingers into Shoma’s hair, nails scratching at his scalp, and Shoma moaned weakly. He fisted his hand in Jason’s shirt, tugging him closer, kissing him more firmly. Jason slid his hand down over Shoma’s shoulder, down his back, and let it settle on his waist. When his fingertips slid under the him of Shoma’s tee-shirt, Shoma snapped out of it and pulled away, eyes wide. He scrambled to sit up, putting a hand over his mouth.

Jason looked confused. “What’s wrong?”

Shoma stared at him, his emotions swirling. He felt betrayed. He felt relieved. He felt so, so very confused. “Why did you do that?” he asked breathlessly. 

Jason sat up, facing him. “Shoma?”

Shoma stood up, backing away. “Why did you kiss me?” he asked, his throat tightening. “It- it’s not- that’s not what-“ Shoma let out a sharp gasp. “I don’t understand.”

“Shoma, what are you talking about?” he asked in confusion. Jason held out a hand, but Shoma just backed away. “Shoma, are you okay?”

“Why did you kiss me?!” Shoma demanded, shaking with tears. “We don’t kiss!”

Jason shook his head, frowning. “Is it too soon? I’m sorry. I thought we had been taking it slow enough that- that I could at least kiss you now.”

Shoma was overwhelmed. “T-taking it slow? What do you mean? We’re friends,” he said, and Jason looked startled.

“Shoma, we’re soulmates,” he said slowly. “Why did you think I was just trying to be your friend?”

“Because- I-“ Shoma shook his head, wringing his hands. “Jason, I’m Japanese! I can’t have a boyfriend! You haven’t done anything to make it seem like that’s what this was supposed to be!”

Jason blinked in confusion. “You seriously thought we’re not dating?”

“NO!” Shoma stressed. “Why would I think we are?! We’re friends! We’re just- just hanging out, right?”

“We’re taking it slow,” Jason countered. Slowly a very upset expression dawned over Jason’s face. “Shoma, I love you,” he stressed. “You- you’re my soulmate. Why wouldn’t I want to be with my soulmate?”

Shoma let out a sob because he was fucking confused. “Why don’t you ever explain what you’re thinking?!” he demanded. “From the first day at Skate America, I’ve had more questions than answers and I just go with it because I’m too scared if I ask you’ll just leave me again!” Shoma stilled after that outburst and just put a hand over his mouth again. 

Jason stared at him, looking stunned and confused. “Shoma?”

Shoma sniffled and threw his hands down, shuffling in place. “When you rejected me, it hurt me more than anything in my entire life before or after. I didn’t understand, and I still don’t. I spent four years wondering what I did wrong,” he whimpered. “Everybody in my life hated you. Most of them still do. When I got home my brother swore if he ever saw you he would punch you in the face and he was only _ten_. I was terrified of getting the same assignment as you because I couldn’t hate you and I knew it would just hurt me so bad.” He sniffled. “I spent four years loving you and wondering why you didn’t want me,” he choked out. He wiped his eyes. “Then you just- just walked up to me and wanted to talk and I didn’t know why. And Mihoko told me you were trying to fuck with my competition by scaring me or throwing me off my game. She still thinks that. Because she was the one who was left with a kid with a broken heart and I made her promise to never tell anybody I had a soulmate. I lied about not seeing colors to keep from having to tell anybody that my soulmate didn’t want me.” Shoma let out a weak sob. “Why didn’t you want me?”

Jason looked _shattered_. “Shoma… Fuck.” He ran his hands over his face. “Okay, I know I didn’t handle it well. I know I panicked and probably it wasn’t a great first impression, but I never thought you didn’t figure it out when you had time to think. You were fourteen years old!”

“So?!” Shoma demanded. “When I lost my colors all I dreamed about was finally having a best friend and when I met you, you said you weren’t my soulmate and didn’t want me!”

“Because I always knew my soulmate would be my boyfriend!” Jason argued desperately. “Can’t you understand how being eighteen and dreaming for six years about meeting the love of your life and then it ends up being a little kid who looks about twelve and lives halfway around the world and you can’t even talk to would be upsetting?! I was freaked out that this little Japanese kid was my soulmate! I know I didn’t handle it well, but there was no way to reach you once I calmed down and I just thought you figured it out-“

“Well I didn’t,” Shoma said bluntly. “I never knew I had the option of wanting my soulmate to be my boyfriend if he was a boy. I’m Japanese, Jason. Same-sex soulmates are best friends or family members. Not the love of your life. I didn’t even realize I was gay until I saw you on the ice at Skate America and realized you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he said desperately. “But you never made it clear to me you wanted that. And I was just accepting anything you would give me because I wanted you to stay this time and not leave me again.” He wiped at his face. “I’m so sick of being confused all the time and not knowing what to feel or think. I go between feeling okay with who I am and hating myself for being gay and wanting to kiss you. And lately some of the stuff you said sounded kind of flirty, but I didn’t understand!”

Jason looked at him for a long time before getting off the bed and approaching him. Shoma looked up at him as he stepped into Shoma’s space and looked him in the eyes. “Shoma Uno, I’m in love with you. I want to be with you. I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear, but I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend and some day your husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms because nothing is better than the way you fit against me. I made mistakes in the past, but I will be clear on what I mean in the future.” He hesitated. “If you’ll have me. Please, Shoma. Please tell me you love me, back.”

Shoma drew in a breath and looked up into Jason’s eyes. “You’re the only person I’ve ever kissed because you’re all I’ve ever thought about. I can’t have a boyfriend openly, but I-I don’t think I can tell you no,” he whispered. “I love you, Jason Brown. I have since I was a heartbroken fourteen-year-old who didn’t know what made it hurt so bad. I’m just so scared of losing you again.” He raised his hands and held Jason’s face. “Tell me this isn’t a mistake.”

“It’s the furthest from one,” Jason said softly, and then tipped his chin down to find Shoma’s lips again.

This time, Shoma smiled into the kiss, because he was kissing his soulmate.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is interesting because it's from Jason's POV

When Jason was eighteen years old, poised to start his senior career, he was walking backstage when he ran into a kid and knocked him over. He looked so tiny that Jason felt worried he had hurt him. He helped him up, looking down at the little boy’s face, only to blink when he realized instead of black and white, he saw a flush of red on the boy’s cheeks and the color of his costume. Jason stood up straight, horror dawning over him like nothing ever before. When the kid’s coach came over, he numbly led them to go find Kori. 

When he got to Kori, he managed to get out what had happened. Everything was a daze from there. The short was lost to his memory. He just remembered Kori taking him aside and telling him he had to talk to his soulmate’s coach. “He’s not my soulmate,” he said weakly. “Kori, he’s- how?” he pleaded. “My soulmate is supposed to be the love of my life, not some little boy who doesn’t even speak English!” 

Kori sighed and shook her head. “You’re going to regret this,” she said, but then went to talk to the kid and his coach alone. When she came to get him, he walked in to see the other coach _livid_.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” she said angrily. “But you do not get to hurt my kid because you’re throwing a tantrum and think you’re better than himl.”

Jason huffed. “Listen, I don’t have time to deal with this! He’s a little kid and I’m an adult! I’m not being soulmates with a child that looks like a ten-year-old. I’m going senior soon and he’s clearly not for a while, so he’ll get over it since he’ll never see me. I’m not a little boy’s soulmate. It’s just not okay.” He looked at the scared, confused looking little boy one last time and squashed the voice in the back of his mind saying, _Don’t do this_. He turned around and left.

His rationale, when he explained to his parents, was that they couldn’t speak. They couldn’t see each other. He couldn’t be any older than thirteen and even that was shocking given he looked even younger. He couldn’t be his soulmate right now, he was too young and Jason was an adult. He looked Shoma Uno up and found out he was actually fourteen and a rising star in Japan. Jason decided that meant he had four years. He could be with Shoma when he was eighteen. When he was no longer a minor, Jason could finally get to know the future love of his life. He had four years to learn Japanese and focusing on skating and injuries made it easier to ignore that part of him that made him feel dirty. When Shoma was sixteen, Jason accidentally watched a JGP competition he was at. He was always careful to avoid watching Shoma’s competitions, but this time the assignment was changed after Jason checked the roster. At twenty years old, it was really upsetting to realize he found a sixteen year old boy absolutely gorgeous. He still looked so young and Jason was _twenty_.

So he got a boyfriend.

Jason had had offers in the past, but he always turned them down. He had to focus on learning Japanese. It was a really hard language to learn. He needed to learn culture and language and how to not be rude to his soulmate. He didn’t have time for boys that wouldn’t last because his soul was promised to someone else. The guy he dated was fun and he was cute but Jason ended it when he said ‘I love you’ to Jason. Jason knew he would never love anybody that wasn’t his soulmate. He could wait. It had been two years, he only had two more before he could seek him out and finally be together. 

He tried his best to avoid Shoma at Shoma’s first senior season grand prix, because he was still seventeen. Jason was twenty-one. He couldn’t take the risk. Even if it was the age of consent, he didn’t want to be that person who preyed on an underage kid, even if they were meant to be together. When he got injured and missed all but one competition they were at, it was tough luck but made his life a lot easier. 

But the next year. The next year, Shoma was eighteen and would be nineteen in December, and that wasn’t nearly as weird. Shoma was an adult now. He wasn’t a kid, even though he still had some baby fat in his face. He was an adult and Jason knew they would take it slow anyways, what with them not seeing each other very often, so he would probably be nineteen before anything got physical, so Jason felt finally comfortable. When he saw Shoma would be at Skate America with him, he decided this was it. He was going to find him and they would finally start their relationship. They had a lot of getting to know each other to do, but he was fine taking their relationship slow because they had the rest of their lives to be together. They could date until they were both ready to retire, and then they could get married and be together every single day and enjoy a long, happy future together. 

Jason never imagined Shoma’s shyness was him not understanding the plan. Sure, they never talked about what they were, but Jason had never imagined his soulmate being anything but the love of his life if it wasn’t a family member or a girl, so how could Shoma expect anything else?

Now, after their argument and emotional confessions, they lay tangled together in the bed and Jason just shook his head, looking at Shoma’s beautiful eyes. “I can’t believe you never kissed anybody,” Jason said, rubbing absently at Shoma’s back, as they cuddled close in the bed. Shoma had one hand resting on Jason’s lower back, the other laced together with Jason’s free hand, resting between their faces, though their noses were nearly touching. 

Shoma shrugged. “I’m not very outgoing. I wasn’t ever really interested in anybody until that day I showed up at a Skate America and you were breathtaking,” he mumbled.

Jason smiled softly, his eyes crinkling perfectly. “I felt the same thing when I looked at you. You were mesmerizing. You grew up so beautifully.”

Shoma, tickled his back teasingly, making Jason giggle and jerk against him. “So. If you’re shocked I haven’t kissed anybody, I guess that means you have huh?” He grinned teasingly. “What happened to, ‘I always knew my soulmate would be the love of my life’, huh?”

Jason smiled ruefully. “I was your typical twenty-year-old guy except I was panicking because I accidentally watched a video of my _sixteen_ year old soulmate and thought he was attractive. So I got a boyfriend to try and ignore how gross that was.” He pouted some. “I’m sorry, Shoma.”

Shoma giggled. “Jason, I don’t care.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “Besides, even if we’re still taking it slow, it would be probably bad to reach the ‘having sex’ phase and both of us be clueless virgins.”

Jason blushed some. “Well, um, we don’t have to take it _too_ slow now that we’re both on the same page,” he mumbled and Shoma eyes darkened with arousal, which only made Jason feel the same. “I was mostly being careful because you’re so shy. I didn’t realize you thought I was being friendly, not a respectful boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I’m okay with that,” Shoma said, and Jason felt a surge of hunger. Shoma turned his head when Jason leaned in to kiss him. “But not before _Worlds_ , Jason.” He gave him a stern look. “I’m a virgin, Jason. I can’t know how that will affect my skating. Besides, I’m sleepy at my most rested, imagine how exhausted I would be after having sex?” he added.

Jason snickered. “Oh, my dear, sleepy Shoma.” He kissed him sweetly. “Okay.” He pecked his lips again, enjoying this feeling. “But I promise, if you want to bottom, I’ll be very, very gentle with you. I would never hurt you.”

Shoma’s cheeks turned pink and Jason felt the insane urge to kiss them even redder. “I know you wouldn’t,” he said, tugging Jason into another sweet little kiss. “What do you like?” he asked shyly. “It’s embarrassing, but we should communicate better,” he mumbled.

Jason hummed, hugging him close. “Nothing weird or kinky. My ex-boyfriend liked to top but I like both. With you, I really just want to make sweet, passionate love,” he murmured, pecking Shoma’s lips.

Shoma shivered and blushed. “I- I always have fantasies about you doing that. You on top of me, taking me apart with slow, unhurried sex that makes me feel safe and protected because of how big you are and how you block me out from the world. And I come really fast if I finger myself.”

Jason groaned and tucked his face into Shoma’s chest. He was going to think about that every time he was trying to sleep or shower for the rest of his life. “Oh my God, that’s so hot.” He looked at Shoma and decided to tease him a little. “If you win a Worlds medal for me, I’ll make love to you,” he offered, and Shoma giggled.

“Mmmhmmm. Like you wouldn’t do it anyways.” Jason winked because he wasn’t wrong. Now that he finally knew how Shoma tasted and how Shoma felt in his arms, he wanted to know what he felt like beneath him, writhing in pleasure. Shoma cleared his throat awkwardly and glanced down between them. “Uh, whatever you’re thinking right now, maybe don’t think it until Worlds is over,” he said pointedly, and Jason flushed when he realized he was growing hard and Shoma felt it.

“Maybe we should go get some dinner,” Jason suggested, wiggling back some. “Maybe get out of bed before we make bad choices.”

Shoma laughed and swatted at him. “You’re the one over here getting hard just from some mental image. I’m the teenager, shouldn’t I be the one ready to go too easily?”

Jason groaned. “You didn’t spend four years waiting for the love of your life to grow up so you won’t go to jail if you touched him,” he pointed out. “Feeling like a pervert but knowing why I felt that way about you and not other sixteen-year-old boys was gross. Like, wow.”

They got up and changed to go out to dinner, taking turns in the bathroom to keep things from going the way they didn’t want them to, and then left the room together. Jason was surprised when Shoma laced their fingers together between them. He looked at him and Shoma blushed but leaned into his shoulder.

“Nobody has cameras here. I don’t care who sees me holding hands with my soulmate.” Jason beamed, his chest growing warm, and he couldn’t help but peck Shoma’s cheek.

“I love you, Shoma.”

Shoma giggled. “I love you, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to go to work and change the rating!!! The epilogue will be posted later!

Shoma couldn’t believe it. He had a silver medal. He looked down at it in his hands in shock. There was a knock at his door, and he looked up. It was late so he knew it could only be Jason. He walked to open the door, still holding the medal, and held it up, smiling brightly. “Look!” he said, and Jason smiled fondly as he stepped inside. Shoma handed it to Jason and then tugged him over to the bed, sitting on his knees. “I’ve got silver at _Worlds_ ,” he said reverently.

Jason hung it around his neck and smiled warmly. “You’re so beautiful when you’re happy.”

Shoma giggled and took the medal off. He put it aside, and then turned back to Jason. He reached out and grabbed Jason’s sleeve, bashfully tugging him closer. “So, um. You said I might get a ‘reward’ for winning a medal,” he mumbled shyly.

Jason laughed softly. “You’re cute.” He leaned in and kissed Shoma sweetly. “Are you sure, Shoma?”

Shoma nodded, looking him in the eyes. “I want to. I- I don’t want my first time to be something we have to sneak to do if you’re really coming to visit me. I live in the same hallway as my parents and brother, I can’t have sex there if you’re coming to visit me,” he said, and Jason scrunched his nose.

“Yeah, I don’t want our first time to be sneaky handjobs while everybody is asleep,” he joked and Shoma giggled. He kissed Jason again, and Jason cupped his cheek in his hands. Shoma sighed into his mouth as Jason slowly, gently licked at his lips, asking for entrance. Shoma opened his mouth and moaned softly at the way it felt to be kissed this way. Jason gently urged him to fall back and Shoma lay down, tugging Jason on top of him by the grip he still had on his sleeve. Jason leaned over him, still mostly to the side, and slid a hand down his ribs. Shoma shivered when Jason teasingly slid his fingers under his shirt and stroked his hip with a thumb. 

“Jason,” Shoma sighed, and Jason hummed, looking at him. “I, um.” He blushed. “I love you, is all,” he mumbled. “I wanted to tell you that before we do this.”

Jason smiled and kissed him sweetly. “I love you, too, Shoma.” He kissed his cheek and then his jaw and then his neck. Shoma gasped, not expecting the spark of pleasure that shot straight to his cock at the touch of lips to his neck. He always wondered why people wanted someone sucking hickeys on their neck, since the bruises looked painful, but now he knew why already. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave a mark,” Jason sad as if reading his mind.

Shoma hummed, turning his head to give Jason better access. “Thanks.” Jason continued his mission, kissing and very gently sucking at his throat until Shoma was hard without Jason even touching him down there. He whimpered when Jason’s hand slid under his shirt fully, tracing his abs. Jason continued his exploration further and Shoma gasped in surprise when Jason pressed his thumb against his nipple and it felt _so good_. “Oh fuck,” he blurted out, arching into the touch.

“Didn’t know how sensitive you were?” Jason asked, pulling back to look down at him. “Guess you don’t experiment much alone, huh?”

Shoma shook his head. “I thought that was just a thing for girls. I didn’t know boys nipples made them feel good, too.”

Jason nodded, leaning in to peck his lips. “Yeah, they do.” He gently stroked his nipple again and Shoma sighed, arching into it. Jason smiled. “You’re so pretty right now,” he said, and Shoma just smiled. 

“You’re always beautiful,” he said, and Jason grinned. Shoma reached up and touched Jason’s cheek. “Kiss me again?”

Jason complied, shifting some so that one of his legs slid between Shoma’s. Shoma moaned in surprise at the feeling of Jason’s thigh rubbing against him. He fisted his hands in Jason’s shirt, arching up against it. Jason moaned, rubbing his hips down against Shoma’s thigh as well. Shoma didn’t last long doing that before the kisses got sloppy and they were both panting between kisses. “Wait, wait, Shoma,” Jason gasped, shifting up onto his knees. Shoma whined and pouted and Jason chuckled. “Baby, if we keep that up, it will be over before we even start.”

Shoma’s head cleared a little and he nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He smiled, reaching up to touch Jason’s face. “I like you calling me ‘baby’, though,” he said sweetly, though the English word felt a little clunky to say. Jason kissed him gently and Shoma sighed into his mouth. 

Jason grabbed the bottom of Shoma’s shirt. “Can I take this off?” he asked, and Shoma nodded. He sat up so Jason could take his shirt off, holding his arms up. It felt weird having another person take his shirt off. 

“You, too?” Shoma asked, and he did the same, raising his arms. Shoma swallowed thickly as he carefully pulled Jason’s shirt up. He blushed when he couldn’t reach all the way, and Jason just laughed, taking it off the rest of the way. “Sorry.”

Jason shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said. Shoma looked at Jason’s gorgeous torso and tentatively reached out, placing his palm on Jason’s abs. Jason sucked in a breath, and Shoma pulled his hand away, looking worried. “Sorry, your hands are cold,” Jason said, then too Shoma’s hands in his. He rubbed them to warm them up and Shoma melted at the way Jason took care of him. “Try again,” he said, and Shoma giggled, putting his hands both on Jason’s abs.

“You have gorgeous muscles,” Shoma said. “My tummy isn’t nearly this nice.”

“I think it’s perfect how it is,” Jason countered. He tugged Shoma’s hands from his abs to wrap around him and leaned down, kissing Shoma as he lay back down, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Shoma’s head. Shoma moaned, sliding his hands up Jason’s back to rest on his shoulders. Jason slid his hand down to stroke Shoma’s stomach, then down to the hem of his pants. “Can I take these off, too?” he asked, and Shoma swallowed hard, looking up into his eyes. He hesitated and Jason gave him a worried look. “You can say no if you changed your mind, Shoma.”

Shoma shook his head. “No, I want to. I’m just- I’m nervous.” His stomach was in knots. He was afraid he would be bad. He didn’t want Jason to be disappointed. He wanted their first time to be amazing and he was scared he would screw that up.

“Don’t be nervous,” Jason said sweetly. He brushed a fingertip along Shoma’s cheek. “I love you, and I’m going to take care of you.” He kissed him sweetly. “I’ll make you feel good.”

Shoma shivered at how much that turned him on. The anticipation mounted. “Okay. You can take them off,” he whispered shyly. He smiled nervously and Jason smiled back. 

“Okay,” he said, and then reached down between them again. Shoma sucked in a breath as Jason slowly pushed his pants down. He knelt over Shoma, tugging his pants down his legs and Shoma lifted his legs to let him pull it off. Shoma had never felt more exposed in his life, but Jason looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “I love you,” Jason whispered, leaning down to kiss him firmly. Shoma moaned when Jason’s hand curled around his length. He stroked him slowly, gently, and Shoma whined, clinging to Jason’s sides. Shoma felt bold enough to slid his hands down Jason’s back and push at his pants.

“Off,” he mumbled against Jason’s lips, and Jason chuckled into the kiss. 

“Anything for you, Baby,” he said, and he stood up on his knees, helping Shoma push his pants down. He lay down beside Shoma to wiggle them off, and then when he moved back, Shoma looked down between him. He had never seen another man’s erect penis, so he was careful as he reached down to touch. Jason groaned a little as he touched him and Shoma felt powerful suddenly. He was giving his soulmate pleasure and it made him feel excited and happy. “Shoma,” Jason sighed, kissing him more firmly. 

“Is that okay?” Shoma asked and Jason smiled against his lips. 

“Yeah, it is.” Shoma smiled back. “God, I love your smile so much,” Jason purred, kissing his jaw and cheek. “Oh Shoma.”

Shoma moaned, jaw going slack when Jason rubbed his thumb under the head of his cock. “Yes,” he gasped and Jason moved to kissing his throat. Shoma moaned, arching into it. “Jason,” he moaned and Jason slid down his body. Shoma frowned and looked down at him, only to cry out when Jason put his mouth on his nipple. “Ah! Oh fuck,” he panted as Jason flicked his tongue around the tight bud. He arched his back, parting his thighs so he could rock up against Jason, rubbing himself against his abs. Jason moaned, sliding his hands down Shoma’s sides to grab his thighs and pull them up to his sides. He moved from Shoma’s nipple to kiss down his body. He kept going until he reached his hips. Shoma watched him as Jason looked up at him.

“Can I?” he asked, taking Shoma in his hand. He stroked him slowly and Shoma realized what he meant to do.

“Yes, please,” he panted, and Jason smirked.

“You’re so sweet,” he said, then wasted no time wrapping his lips around Shoma’s cock. Shoma cried out, gasping and clawing at the bed beneath him.

“Fuck, fuck, Jason, oh God,” he whined, eyes falling shut. Jason’s mouth around him felt so good and his tongue felt incredible swirling around the head. Jason moaned around him and Shoma’s eyes shot open.

“Jason, Jason, I- stop!” Jason immediately pulled off of him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Shoma blushed.

“I almost came,” he admitted, and Jason smirked. 

“Damn. I must be good.” He kissed his hip. “You want to take a moment or you want to come like this?” he asked.

Shoma bit his lip and shook his head. “I- I want you to do what we said.”

Jason moved up and kissed him. “Make love?” he asked and Shoma blushed, rolling his eyes.

“I am not actually saying that,” he whined. “It’s embarrassing.”

“You’re the cutest,” Jason said, kissing him again. He lay beside him and stroked his hip, kissing him while he calmed down a little bit. Shoma loved him so much. He stroked Jason teasingly while they kissed and he came back from the edge. He was so, so happy right now.

“Think you can try now,” Shoma mumbled, and Jason nodded.

“Here, let me,” he said, getting the lube. Shoma smiled, rubbing Jason’s back while he leaned over him to get it. When he came back, he touched Shoma’s leg. “Can you open for me?” he asked, and Shoma blushed some but nodded, parting his thighs. He felt embarrassed by his position, but he knew it would be worth the shyness. Jason must have seen his bashfulness and moved up to peck his lips. “Ready?” he asked, and Shoma smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, because I love you.” Jason kissed him as he knelt between his spread legs and gently touched his entrance. Shoma was used to doing it to himself so he wasn’t uncomfortable like he thought he might be. “I’m okay,” he murmured against Jason’s lips and Jason hummed and pressed in gently with one finger. Shoma moaned, wrapping his arms around Jason’s shoulders. Jason sighed into the kiss and Shoma hugged him closer. Jason was so slow and careful with him, and Shoma shivered every time Jason’s fingertips brushed his prostate. After a little while, he pulled back and touched Jason’s cheek, looking into his eyes. “I’m ready,” he said, and Jason gave him a nervous smile. It was comforting to know he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about this.

“Sure?” Jason asked, and Shoma nodded.

“I can’t wait to have you inside of me,” he whispered, and Jason sucked in a breath. 

Jason kissed him sweetly and then sat back on his knees. Shoma watched him as he put lube on himself and then moved between Shoma’s legs. Jason looked him in the eyes and Shoma wrapped his arms loosely around Jason’s neck, smiling at him. “Tell me if anything hurts, okay?” he asked, and Shoma nodded. “Also, I love you,” he said for what had to be the hundredth time since they started. Shoma giggled soft.

“I love you too,” he said, and then gasped as Jason gently began to push into him. Shoma stared into Jason’s eyes as he slowly entered him, and the whole time Jason looked right back. “Oh!” Shoma gasped, mouth falling open.

“Are you okay?” Jason asked, voice strained some.

Shoma nodded. “Good. Really good,” he said, whimpering because yeah, it burned just a little bit, but it felt so, so good. He slid a hand to pull Jason down where he could kiss him. He moaned, tangling his fingers in Jason’s messy ponytail. He wrapped his legs around Jason as Jason became fully seated inside of him. “Jason,” he whined, and Jason rubbed his hip, kissing him deeply. “Please.”

“What is it, Baby?” he asked and Shoma moaned as he shifted some. “Are you hurting?”

“No, just- please. I need you to move. It’s- I’m so full,” Shoma moaned. “Do it. Please, do it.”

Jason seemed to understand and nosed at his cheek, kissing the corner of his mouth as he pulled out just a little and pushed back in. He was so gentle, and so attentive, and Shoma had never felt more pleasure in his life. He whined as Jason found his prostate, and Jason held him close, taking him apart with every thrust. Shoma kissed Jason’s neck, tightening the hand on Jason’s head and clinging to his shoulders. Jason moaned and Shoma felt once again powerful. He was the one giving his boyfriend pleasure and he liked that. 

“Sho, Sho, Sho,” Jason panted as the pace built and Shoma gasped as Jason dug his fingers into the thigh he had hold of. “Fuck, you feel so good. Oh my God this is perfect.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Shoma moaned. Jason lowered himself to rest over Shoma with himself braced on his elbow so their chests touched, and he moaned into the space beside Shoma’s head, and as Shoma gazed up at the ceiling, he realized this was everything he fantasized about. Jason’s weight pinning him down, Jason inside of him giving him so much pleasure his toes curled, the way he felt so safe and so loved surrounded by nothing but his soulmate. He smiled as tears filled his eyes because yes, Jason was right. It was perfect. He let out shaky breath after shaky breath as pleasure and love coursed through his entire being. 

“Shoma, I’m going to come soon, I-“ Jason wormed a hand between them to stroke Shoma sloppily, and Shoma moaned louder with every thrust now. 

“Come inside of me,” Shoma groaned, rocking with every thrust. “I’m so close, come in me, Jason, please, I- JASON!” Shoma cried out as his orgasm ripped through him like a blaze. Jason whined against his neck and came with him, both of them panting and gasping through the pleasure. 

When the daze faded from his eyes, Shoma took a ragged gasp, shaking with tears. Jason pulled back to look at him and Shoma saw tears in his eyes, too. “Please tell me those are happy tears like mine and I didn’t hurt you,” Jason rasped and Shoma just nodded, smiling as he let out a weak laugh.

“I love you so much, Jason.” Shoma tugged him into a warm, loving kiss. “That was- I- Jason,” he whimpered, and Jason just nodded.

“I feel the exact same way,” he said, sniffling. “It never felt like this before,” he admitted.

Shoma smiled, blindingly happy, and stroked some stray strands that had escaped Jason’s ponytail out of his face. “We were always meant to be together. Makes sense our bodies are made to be together, too.”

Jason kissed him again and Shoma held his face in his hands. Jason gently pulled out of him and Shoma’s whimper was muffled by Jason’s mouth. “Sorry,” he murmured and Shoma just shook his head.

“It’s fine.” He looked at Jason and laughed brightly. “God, Jason, I’ve never been this happy in my entire life.”

“I know,” Jason said, giggling with him. “I’m so happy I found you, Shoma. I’m so happy this is my life.” 

Shoma hugged him close, wrapping his legs around him again to go full koala. “This gets to be our lives forever now, so get used to it,” he said, and Jason rolled them over, holding Shoma on his chest as he beamed at him. Shoma just propped himself up on his forearms to look at that beautiful smile.

Shoma got to look at that smile for the rest of his life.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you guys who have followed this fic and given me lovely messages about it! Sorry the epilogue is so short!

EPILOGUE: Beijing, 2022

“So, Shoma Uno, Jason Brown, you are both poised to compete against each other for the Beijing Olympic Title. How does that feel, being married?”

Shoma beamed at Jason, who held his hand. “It’s amazing. I can’t wait to kick my husband’s ass in a way that isn’t illegal,” he joked, and Jason beamed, then leaned over to kiss him, cameras be damned.

“When it’s your soulmate you compete against, there’s no losing,” Jason said, sighing. “Whichever of us wins, it’s all a win for me. I do want to beat my husband, though.” He beamed and smiled at Shoma. “The only time ‘beat my husband’ isn’t a terrible thing to say,” he added, and Shoma giggled.

“Yeah, I feel the same. I want to ‘beat my husband’,” he said, then pecked his lips. “And kiss away his sadness.” 

“You just got married last year. How has training for the Olympics while newly married been? Any struggles with your relationship?”

“None,” Jason said, and Shoma beamed.

“We’ve never really confirmed it publicly but we’re soulmates,” he explained. “Jason and I may have only just got married, but that’s because I just moved to Canada. We’ve been dating since 2016, at long distance. Training at the same time while having a home to share when we’re not busy is so much better than training half a world away from each other.”

“Soulmates, wow. When did you find out?” 

Jason blushed some. “Um, when we were kids, actually. When he was fourteen and I was eighteen, we met at a junior competition. I made the choice to stay away from him until he was eighteen, though, because I didn’t want to be that gross older guy preying on a young boy.” He smiled at Shoma. “I always loved him, though.”

Shoma giggled. “I always loved you, too,” he said, leaning in to kiss him once more.

The whole interview would probably be edited to scraps, but Shoma was at the Olympics with his husband, so he didn’t give a damn what this interview turned out to be. He had a soulmate who needed constant kissing at such an exciting event in their lives. They would remember this competition forever and he wanted to remember it as a fun one filled with kisses instead of the stress of Olympic pressure.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I update tags as I go along. Always check the tags before a new chapter. This shouldn't have anything triggering in this whole fic, but in case it's just a direction you don't like, you can stop reading.
> 
> I have a fic I read for months as it updated, but then the main pairing tag changed from the current one and I quit because I didn't like it. That won't happen here, but I was just updating notes and thought it best to remind you guys I do that.


End file.
